Never Say Goodbye
by The Last Letter
Summary: AU. After seeing Connor for the first time in years, Jude decides to break his years long silence and plunge headfirst into a relationship with his best friend. The course of true love never did run smooth, however, and the life of an Adams-Foster is never without a touch of chaos. When devastating news comes to Jude and Connor once more, there's nothing they can do to resist fate.
1. Chapter 1

**Connor: Jude**

** Connor: Juuuude**

** Connor: JUUUUUUUUDDEEE**

** Connor: Juuuuuuuddddeee**

** Connor: Jude dude**

** Connor: dude Jude**

** Connor: what the hell are you doing?**

** Connor: Answer meeeeeeee**

** Connor: I swear if you don't answer my texts in the next forty seconds, I'm going to start sending you Bohemian Rhapsody one word at a time**

** Connor: is **

** Connor: this**

** Jude: NO I'M HERE**

** Jude: I was showering**

** Connor: Oh good, I thought you were ditching me**

** Jude: never**

** Connor: can I get you at three instead of four?**

** Jude: yup!**

** Connor: okay see you soon.**

Jude tucked his cell phone in his pocket and finished towelling dry. He pulled on fresh clothes and shoved his cell phone in his pocket, heading down the stairs to the kitchen, which was empty. Jude had gotten used to the empty kitchen, although he often missed it being full. With Brandon, Callie, Mariana, and Jesus all living in away from home now, the house was eerily silent. In just a few months, though Jude would be off to university, leaving Stef and Lena all alone in the house. As Jude mused about this, he was hit with a pang of pain, remembering the younger sister he was supposed to have; the little girl Lena had miscarried so long ago.

He shrugged to himself – it had been years ago now. He cracked open the fridge and pulled out the orange juice. As he poured himself a glass, Lena padded into the kitchen. It was July, which meant Stef was working, and Lena was enjoying her vacation.

"Good afternoon," she greeted.

Jude glanced up at her and smiled. He pretended he didn't see the flash of defeat in Lena's eyes. Even after all this time, after all these years, she was still holding out hope that he would start to speak again. Jude hated to let her down; he hated to let the whole family down. His family had adjusted to his silence; had figured out to speak normally to him, and they no longer waited for replies from him, his siblings especially. But Callie and Lena just wouldn't stop trying to prod responses out of him, wanting to hear his long unused voice. Jude didn't fully understand himself why he hadn't spoken, not once, in about five years now, but he didn't feel the need to use his voice. He didn't need to speak. He would text if someone needed to have words from him.

"Is Connor still getting you around four?" Lena continued, and Jude shook his head. "No, why not?"

With one hand, Jude held his glass up to his mouth. With the other, he displayed three fingers to Lena.

"Three o'clock instead, huh?"

Jude nodded.

"Any idea what time you'll be home?" Lena continued.

Jude shook his head.

"Okay, just don't forget about curfew." She crossed to his side and dropped a kiss to the top of his head. "I'm going to head to the grocery store now, so I'll see you later."

Jude waved goodbye to her, watching her walk back out of the room. Bored, he tapped his fingers against the island counter. He studied his bare nails and was struck with an idea. He bounded up the stairs, to Mariana and Callie's old room. Their beds were still in the room, although almost all of their belongings had disappeared when they went off to school. The girls, both attending the same university, had long since gotten an apartment together, and they hadn't left much behind when they moved. But, Jude's hunch had been correct: Mariana had left some of her old nail polish behind, bottles that were old and didn't have a lot of colour left in them.

He picked up his favourite colour, blue, but then studied the rest of the colours in the box. There was also a really bright green colour, which he picked up too. He carried both colours down to the kitchen table and unscrewed the blue one, starting to paint his nails. As he worked on his own nails, Jude remembered the countless nights he'd spent in Mariana's room, his hand on her knee as she painted his nails for him, talking to him while he nodded along.

Smiling at the memory, Jude looked down at his almost completed hands. He had painted his thumbs, index, ring, and pinkie fingers all blue, leaving his middle fingers blank for the green colour. He'd thought about doing his ring fingers green instead – Mariana often had her ring fingers different colours – but, in the end, he decided that he liked the symmetry of his middle fingers being different colours. He was just unscrewing the top of the green nail polish when he heard the slow rumble that signified Connor's arrival.

Jude waved his hands around, hoping to dry his nails off quickly. He heard Connor pull into the driveway, and slid both bottles into his pocket, thinking that he'd finish his nails while in the truck. He did a quick pat down of his pockets, making sure that he had his wallet, keys, and phone on him, and then he headed out the door, toward Connor's truck. Connor had bought the truck last year, for his seventeenth birthday. It was old – from sometime in the fifties – and Connor had done a restoration on it, piece by piece, making sure that it looked great.

The engine was still incredibly loud though, alerting Jude that Connor was close before Connor was anywhere near the driveway.

Jude tugged the door open and climbed into the cab.

"Do you like the paint job?" Connor asked anxiously. "I painted it black, just like you suggested."

Jude glanced at Connor and smiled before giving him double thumbs up.

"Good," Connor relaxed, and then began to back the truck out of the driveway. "So, is there anything in particular you wanted to do?"

Jude shook his head. He was always happy to just be with Connor; his best friend. It had been years since the first time he laid eyes on Connor – his first friend in Anchor Beach, and the one he still held dearest to his heart. He remembered, with some humour now although the recollection wasn't completely without pain, when he thought that he would lose Connor's friendship forever, all because of his friend's father. But it hadn't happened, Connor deciding that his father's opinion couldn't control his life. Jude had also thought that Connor would eventually get sick of hanging out with a guy who didn't talk, but that hadn't happened either.

In fact, Jude thought that Connor understood his silence more than anyone else. His family accepted his silence and tried to get him to break it, but Connor had never veered close to asking Jude to speak. The most he'd said about it, was to tell Jude that it was okay if he didn't want to speak, but that if he ever had anything to say, Connor would be listening. Jude was so incredibly grateful to have someone like Connor in his life; couldn't imagine a day going by when he didn't interact with him in some way.

"I have fishing rods in the back. Do you feel like going to the lake?"

Jude nodded. As Connor drove, he pulled out the green bottle of nail polish. He flattened his palm flat against his thigh, trying to keep his hand steady as the truck vibrated.

"I haven't seen your nails painted in a while," Connor commented. "Usually only when Mariana's home."

Jude shrugged.

"I like the green," Connor continued, "But I thought you didn't like neon colours for nails?"

Jude studied his nails. He didn't like neon colours usually; that was true. Somehow, though, he liked the combination of the blue and the green together. It worked well together, he thought.

"Guess it's just time to try something new, I guess," Connor decided.

Jude nodded.

Before he knew it, they were at the lake, climbing out of the truck and grabbing the fishing gear. Jude held his pole a little awkwardly. Connor loved to fish, he thought it was relaxing. Jude tagged along, because he liked to sit near the lake and hang out with Connor. That being said, he'd never really picked up on the art of fishing. He was always messing up the casts and getting the fishing line caught on things, like trees, Connor and himself. Nevertheless, sitting at the lake fishing with Connor was one of Jude's favourite past times.

They ambled down to the lake, taking seats next to one another. They prepared the rods and then sat in silence, watching the waves. This was something else that Jude loved about Connor; they could sit together, no words spoken, and it wouldn't feel awkward. It would just feel natural. They sat there for hours, long enough for the sun to begin to set. Connor stirred before it became too dark, standing up and stretching.

Jude shook out his limbs, but didn't stand up, instead just looked up at Connor from his sitting position. Connor towered above him, and it wasn't just because Jude was at a lower angle. Connor was tall, just as he'd been when they were kids. Jude wasn't short by any means – he'd grown to be taller than Jesus – but Connor made him feel tiny again. Jude hovered just under six feet, while Connor could proudly boast about being six foot four. Other than his height, though, Connor hadn't suffered a lot of changes, over the years. He'd become more muscular, his body toned from working out and from sports, but he still looked exactly like Connor, his brown hair still styled, his brown eyes still glimmering with mischievousness and perseverance.

"Come on," Connor invited. "I've got food in the truck."

He held out his hand to Jude, and Jude reached up and took it. He wrapped his fingers around Connor's hand, and allowed his friend to pull him to his feet. Even when Jude was upright, Connor didn't let go of his hand right away. He prolonged the contact a minute more, before he squeezed Jude's hand and let go, a look coming over his face that Jude didn't understand. Confused, but not sure how to go about asking, Jude told himself to shrug it off – that Connor would have already told him about anything important.

Yet, as he followed Connor up to the truck, Jude couldn't shake the feeling that there was something wrong.

Jude organized the fishing equipment in the truck bed as Connor grabbed a cooler and a blanket out of the cab. He passed the blanket up to Jude, who was standing the truck bed. Jude spread the blanket out along the bed so that it would be more comfortable for sitting, and then he plopped down, crossing his legs underneath of him.

"It's nothing special," Connor explained, sitting the cooler down before sitting across from Jude. "Just sandwiches, soda, and chips, but those are the essential food groups anyway."

Jude grinned, thinking that while Lena and Stef might have something different to say, he agreed with Connor 100%. He cracked open the cooler and pulled out the first thing on top – a bag of cookies. He read the label, and his eyes widened, turning to look at Connor for an explanation.

"Oh yeah, I also picked up those weird mocha cookies you like."

Jude fist pumped the air, and immediately broke into the cookies, taking a large bite out of the first one. There was nothing better in the world than mocha cookies.

"If only your moms could see you now," Connor joked. He spun the cooler around and grabbed a sandwich out of it, along with a can of soda. "Do you want orange, grape, or Sprite?"

Jude held up two fingers, and Connor passed him a grape flavoured can of pop.

"Excellent choice," Connor complimented. The boys devoured their meal in silence. Their stomachs filled, they were absently snacking on chips and watching the sun disappear further, when Connor asked, "Hey, Jude?"

Jude turned to look at him.

"Do you want to paint my nails?"

Jude nodded, and pulled out the two colours he had brought with him, presenting them to Connor.

"How about you do the opposite of yours?" Connor suggested. "Green, but blue in the middle."

Eagerly agreeing, Jude grabbed Connor's hand and spread it over his own knee, giving himself optimal access to Connor's fingers. He picked up the green nail polish and got down to work, carefully putting on each line of paint.

"There's, uh, something I need to talk to you about," Connor admitted. "Something important."

Keeping his eyes on his work, Jude nodded to show that he was listening.

"You remember how I was going to talk to that army guy this morning?"

Jude's hand slowed considerably at the words. Yes, he remembered, but he had blocked it out. He didn't want to think about Connor joining the military, although he knew it was Connor's plan to. His friend didn't want to attend university; instead, he wanted to go to Europe with the troops, to do his part in the war effort. Jude knew Connor's intentions were noble and admirable, and he supported Connor, as long as that's what Connor wanted, but he didn't want to think about Connor in the army. He didn't want to think about Connor being away from him, being at war, because there was always the possibility that Connor wouldn't be coming back.

"I … I talked to him, and I'm all joined up now. And, things have gotten really bad over there, so he asked me if I'd head out to training with the next group of guys, even though it was kind of short notice."

Jude had almost stopped painting now, dread filling him. How soon was 'short notice'?

"The thing is … they're heading out tomorrow morning."

Almost paralyzed, Jude could only lift his head to look Connor in the eyes.

"I'm going," Connor revealed.

He was going. Jude felt his heart stop for a moment; he felt time slow down around him. Here was the moment that words were needed in, and he didn't have any of them. Even if he had been able to speak, he knew this moment would have rendered him silent. He closed his eyes, hardly daring to believe it.

"This … This is going to be goodbye for a while."

Jude looked away from Connor, back down to his friend's hand. He picked up the bottle of blue nail polish and began to fill in the two remaining nails on Connor's hand. Jude's own hands were shaking, causing him to get paint all over Connor's fingers, but he didn't know what else to do. He couldn't think about anything else, because his entire world had just fallen down.

"Jude?" Connor asked. "Did you hear me?"

Jude finally looked back at Connor, feeling his entire body tremble. Connor grabbed him into a hug, wrapping his arms firmly around Jude. Jude squeezed Connor, trying not to think of the next time he would see his friend; if he would ever see Connor alive again. War was dangerous; the battles had only grown in calibre overseas. He didn't want to think of Connor, still so young with so much more life left to life, felled so far from home, with no one next to him.

He didn't want his best friend to become a dead solider.

"It'll be okay," Connor assured him. "It really will be."

Jude felt tears coming, and he dug his hands into Connor's white tank top, as if he could physically bind Connor to America with his hands.

"It's not goodbye forever," Connor comforted him. "Just for a little while."

Jude sat up, frowning at this. He eyed the sharpie that Connor always kept in his front pocket, and pulled out the marker. Connor looked confused at his actions, but didn't say a word, not even when Jude took the cap off. Hands still shaking, Jude pressed the marker to Connor's skin, just by his collar bone. His quote took two lines, running from Connor's collarbone to his shoulder.

_"Never say goodbye, because saying goodbye means _

_going away, and going away means forgetting."_

Connor twisted his head, angling his shoulder down until he understood the quote.

"Aw, Jude," he mumbled, gently wrapping his fingers around Jude's forearm. "I'm not going away forever, and I'll never forget you. Ever."

Jude wanted to tell him that he wouldn't forget him either. Jude wanted to tell him not to go at all. But he didn't say anything, because his long-silenced voice betrayed him. He couldn't even say something to Connor, when this might be the very last time he ever saw his friend.

"Mom wants me home by nine," Connor mentioned, "so, we have to go."

Jude whimpered before he could control it. This was all too sudden. First, Connor was leaving for war. Second, Connor was leaving right this instant. Later, he would reflect that he was glad he and Connor could spend the afternoon together without this momentous news looming between them, but that wasn't what Jude was thinking now. Now, he was thinking about how betrayed he felt, about now finding out until now. He was thinking of how he wanted to be selfish – have Connor for his own tonight. Jude didn't want to Connor back to his parents; he just wanted to keep him.

But, he helped Connor pack up the cooler and the blanket. He climbed into the cab of the truck. After Connor had backed up and turned toward the main road, Jude reached across the seats and grabbed Connor's hand. It wasn't the first time that they had held hands, but they were both well aware that it might just be the last time. As they drove, Jude thought of the countless hours that he had spent with Connor; the unimaginable kindness that his best friend had shown him.

As they turned down the road to Jude's house, Jude thought of all the things that he had never said to Connor. He thought of all the times he should have told him that he was sorry or thanked him. He thought of all the things he could have said throughout the years – ranging from the smallest of things, like 'move over', to the largest of things, three little words that Jude had felt on the tip of his tongue since the first time he met Connor. For the first time since Jude had given up speaking, he regretted it. He regretted all of the conversations he hadn't had, because the time to have conversations was gone.

Connor pulled into Jude's yard, throwing the old truck into park. They sat there for a moment, staring at the house, still linked by their hands. Finally, Connor spoke.

"Jude … Can I see you in the morning?"

Jude nodded immediately. Yes; a thousand times yes.

"It'll have to be early. Can I pick you up at seven?"

Anything to see Connor one more time.

"Okay."

Connor swallowed and looked down at their hands. He didn't want to let go. He knew that going overseas to fight was the right thing, but that didn't make it any easier to leave home. It didn't make it easier to say last goodbyes to his friends and family, just in case. Nothing in the world could make leaving Jude, still so vulnerable and innocent, better.

Not saying anything, Connor slowly lifted his fingers one by one, until he had completely let go of Jude's hand. Jude climbed out of the truck, and took a step backward onto his front lawn. He stood there, watching Connor drive away, knowing that Connor was looking at him through the rear view mirror. When Jude could no longer see brake lights, when he could no longer hear the rumble of Connor's truck, Jude's shoulders slumped forward.

He slowly made his way into the house, the truth of Connor's departure sinking into his bones with every step he took. When he finally made it into the house, tears were beginning to pool in his eyes, his brain unable to think of anything but the worst case scenario. He took a tottering step into the living room, where Lena and Stef were lying on the couch. They each had a different book, and they were sitting at opposite ends, but their legs met in the middle of the couch and intertwined.

"Hey Jude," Stef greeted without looking up. "How was your night?"

Jude squeaked, his pain overriding him.

Alarmed, Lena and Stef looked up as one. As they saw the tears streaking down their son's face, they stood up and rushed to him. Though he was a tall boy, Jude was still skinny, giving him a childish appearance. And when he leaned down on them for support, Stef and Lena were taking right back to the skittish boy they had welcomed into their home along with his stubborn sister all those years ago.

"Oh, baby," Lena purred. "What's going on?"

But Jude couldn't even think it, let alone say it.

(-.-)

When Connor arrived the next morning, Jude was already sitting on the porch steps, waiting. When he got into the truck, he didn't give any indication that he cared where they were going or what they were doing. He simply reached across the seats and took Connor's hand again, which Connor already had open for him. They drove in silence, going in circles around the town. They passed the school several times.

When it was nearing eight o'clock, Connor said his first words of the day.

"My flight leaves at 9:30."

Once again, there was the sudden deadline. Every minute was one that was closer to Connor leaving, with no guarantee that he would be making his way back.

"I was hoping that you would drive there with me. And, uh," Connor paused in his speech, gathering his thoughts by absently running his thumb along the back of Jude's hand. "I want you to keep my truck."

Jude couldn't keep his mouth closed; it hung open in surprise.

"You know how much it means to me, and how much work I've put into it. If I just left it home, then it would never get used. I know you'll take care of it."

Jude brushed his thumb against the underside of Connor's wrist, trying to thank him for the gift. He tried to swallow the hard ball in his throat, trying to make himself talk; trying to get out everything that was whizzing around his mind. Instead, he could do nothing but sit and hold Connor's hand as they drove toward the airport. Connor found a parking spot, and stopped the truck there, turning it off.

"It's time to go," Connor said aloud, although he was unsure if he was speaking to himself or to Jude.

They climbed out of the truck and Jude circled around to the driver's side. He faced Connor, wondering what to do in these final moments. Finally, he closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around his best friend, holding him close. He felt Connor hug him back, and Jude was not ashamed to admit that tears were shed on both sides. The fact that this might be the last time he saw Connor would not leave Jude alone. He rested his head against Connor's shoulder, and for the first time in years, spoke.

"Connor … Connor, please come home."

Connor didn't say anything about the use of Jude's voice. He didn't think about how scratchy it sounded, but how much deeper Jude's voice had gotten. Instead, he held Jude tighter to him, unwilling to let go just yet, and promised, "I will, Jude. I swear to you, I will."

And then Jude let him go.

**I'm not 100% sure on how long this will be yet. It depends on reactions, I guess, but there will definitely be one more chapter. I don't own anything recognizable.**

**~TLL~**


	2. Chapter 2

*Three*Years*Later*

Jude Adams Foster was sick with worry.

Jude was a worrier by nature. He worried about himself and he worried about other people. He worried about situations he couldn't control and he worried about situations he could. All Jude wanted was for the people he loved to be happy and safe. Jude's anxieties had only become worse in the years that his best friend, Connor, had been at war.

It wasn't as bad as it could have been, Jude acknowledged. He and Connor had still been able to continue communicating regularly, either through Facebook messages or old-fashioned, handwritten letters. They rarely video chatted one another, due to Jude's ongoing silence which he still hadn't broken even after speaking to Connor the last time he saw his best friend, but they often saw pictures of one another through the web. It was nothing like being next to one another, fishing down at the lake – as was one of their favourite past times – or even sitting at home, watching a movie.

Jude longed for Connor to be next to him. He missed his best friend. He missed the person he could always count on for understanding and support. He hated when he turned on the T.V. and saw footage of the ongoing war. He hated how he couldn't turn away from the images, dropping in front of the screen so that he could study every soldier's face, waiting to see if he recognized Connor.

It had been over a month since Jude had last heard from Connor. There had been one letter, but it had been dated a month and a half ago. There had been no Facebook messages or updates. There had been utter radio silence from Connor's end, and no matter what Jude did, he couldn't figure out what had happened to Connor. He had reached out to Connor's parents, but both of them reported that they hadn't heard from their son any more than Jude had. His mother had tried to assure Jude that no news was good news, but Jude was nowhere near assured by that statement.

When it came to war, no news meant dead soldiers. Of this, Jude was convinced.

It was Sunday evening. Jude was sitting cross-legged on his bed – not the bed at home, but the bed in his dorm room. He was trying to concentrate at the textbook spread in front of him, but the words all swam together. He couldn't think about anything but the sweatshirt he was wearing. It was one of Connor's old ones, something that had been left behind in the truck when Connor had left. All Jude could think about was how big the sweatshirt was on him, and how the garment didn't smell like Connor anymore.

And that line of thinking led Jude back to Connor, and where on Earth his friend could be.

He jumped when someone knocked on his door. Jude frowned. He knew it wasn't his roommate, Alex, because Alex was in his girlfriend's room, as was his routine. He wouldn't come back to this room until Tuesday night. Confused, Jude uncoiled himself from the bed. He ran his hands over his plaid pyjama pants and went to open the door.

On the other side of the door, stood a solider. He was in uniform. The entire right side of his face was ravaged and pitted; his own skin turned into a remnant of the warzone. The solider stood straight-backed and tall, however, and despite everything, Jude knew exactly who it was. There was no disguising those dark brown eyes. There was nothing that would keep Jude from recognizing Connor; not time, not injury, nothing.

Jude threw himself forward, wrapping his arms around Connor.

"I came home, Jude. I came home."

Jude cried.

He couldn't contain his sobs. He didn't even try. He just kept his arms around Connor and cried, because after a month of no contact, Jude had begun to accept that Connor was on his way home in a black box, and that he truly would never get to see him alive again. He'd had nightmares about Connor's heart stopping and breath leaking from his lungs, never to return. He'd woken up in cold sweats, Connor's name hovering on his lips, all of the things Jude had never said threatening to choke him.

Jude pulled him back into his room, not quite believing that Connor was here. He was thinking that he had fallen asleep studying, and that he would wake up in the morning and Connor would be gone. The only thing that kept Jude thinking that this was real was Connor's injuries. If he had conjured Connor in his mind, he would look exactly like he did when Jude saw him last. He would not have a shaved head; he would not have what looked like healed burns running across his face.

"It's okay," Connor soothed him as Jude's hiccoughing cries began to subside. "As scary as I look now, I'm all right."

Jude reached out and touched one of the scars on Connor's face gently, before he pulled his hand away. The injuries were a little frightening and he didn't want to hurt Connor.

"It doesn't hurt," Connor said immediately, as if he could read Jude's thoughts. "I'm going to get changed and then I'll tell you about it, okay?"

Jude nodded, and sunk onto his bed. Connor tossed the bag he'd had in his hand onto Alex's bed and unzipped it.

"I came right here from the airport. I took a cab. I wanted to surprise you."

Jude was certainly surprised. Though he didn't want to invade Connor's privacy, Jude couldn't help but glance at his friend as he undressed. It wasn't for a naughty purpose. He wanted to know the extent of Connor's injuries. He could see the effects of whatever had happened to Connor's face all over the right side of his friend's body. He swallowed and averted his eyes while Connor pulled on pyjama pants. Connor grabbed a shirt out of his bag and turned to face Jude.

Jude's eyes flashed to Connor's chest to assess the damage. He was distracted, though, by a tattoo along Connor's chest on the upper left side. Jude stood up from the bed and crept forward, inspecting it. That was _his_ writing; that was the quote he had written on Connor the day before his friend had left.

Connor shrugged when he saw Jude looking at his tattoo. "Do you like it?"

Jude nodded.

Connor visibly relaxed. "Good. I got it to remind myself that I wasn't allowed to go away completely and as a reminder of you."

Jude smiled.

Connor pulled his t-shirt over his head, and then they both sat on the bed. They had their backs against the wall, their shoulders touching. Immediately back in their old familiarity – as feelings like theirs did not fade over time – Jude took Connor's hand in his. It was his right hand; the ruined one. Jude touched the scarring, and then looked at Connor's damaged face.

"It was a grenade," Connor explained. "It was thrown at my unit. I was one of the lucky ones. A couple of guys … they weren't like me. I was so close to being like them. That's why I originally stopped writing to you. I was in a coma for a long time. They were worried that I wouldn't wake up. They kept me in a hospital over there. Mom and Dad came over to be with me. By the time I woke up, my injuries had nearly healed, but a lot of time had gone by. My name had been kept out of the media, because there was an investigation going on about the grenade. The army didn't want the injured and deceased soldiers names circulating, which is why only my parents were allowed to know of my condition. I was going to message you right away, but they agreed that I could go home in a week. I wanted you to know I was okay, but I also wanted to see your face when I showed up at the door … Are you mad at me?"

Jude shook his head. How could he be mad? Connor was alive. It was the best damn day ever.

"And guess what?"

Jude looked up at Connor and raised his eyebrows.

"I never have to go back."

Relieved and ecstatic, Jude once again wrapped his arm free arm around Connor's waist, hugging him tightly. Connor tugged his hand out of Jude's, only to replace it with the opposite one, so that he could put his arm around Jude's shoulder. Jude rested his head against the upper part of Connor's chest. He could feel Connor's cheek on the top of his head.

"I missed you," Connor admitted.

Jude's lips trembled, and he confessed, "I missed you too."

"And I missed your voice," Connor gasped, squeezing Jude's shoulders together. "Not to make a big deal or anything."

"I didn't have anything important to say."

"Come on," Connor urged, giving Jude a little shake. "Everything you have to say is important."

Jude shook his head, denying the truth. He moved his head back a little so that he could see Connor's face without letting go of the boy himself. It put his neck at a bit of an awkward position, but Jude didn't care.

"Don't argue with me," Connor warned Jude. "And if you're next thought is that no one cares about what you have to say, just remember that I care. I will always care about what you have to say, all right?"

Jude nodded and then he bit his lip. His throat hurt. He'd said more in the past five minutes than he had in the past eight years. Still, he had one more thing left to say; something that Connor needed to know, before another minute went by.

"Connor?"

"Jude?" Connor angled his head down, his nose almost touching Jude's.

"I love you," Jude admitted.

After years of thinking it; after years of having those words live in his heart, never to be known to the outside world, they were out there. Jude could feel his heart pounding in his chest; his stomach rolled. He didn't know what Connor would say or how he would react. The two of them had often been questioned about their relationship status, particularly by Connor's stubborn, homophobic father, but Connor had always said 'just friends' in response to anything.

But when they did things like this; when they had their arms around each other, or when they held hands, it didn't feel like just friends. At least, not to Jude. Jude knew he loved Connor. He knew this like he knew he could count on Callie, no matter what. He knew this, like he knew he was an Adams Foster and that he belonged to a family. He knew this beyond a shadow of a doubt.

Based on his position, Jude could feel when Connor's heart picked up speed. He could both feel and hear Connor's sharp intake of breath. He waited, to see if Connor would push him away or bring him closer. Time passed, and Connor didn't move. Jude felt his organs twist around one another. He shouldn't have said it, not tonight of all nights. He should have let himself enjoy Connor's homecoming. He shouldn't have forced this. It wasn't right, and now, when he had just gained Connor back, he was going to lose him in a whole new way.

Jude's shoulders slumped forward in defeat, admitting to himself that he had made a mistake. Connor didn't love him like he loved Connor. He went to untwist his finger's from Connor's, to try and back out from his friend's frozen embrace, but the minute Jude moved, Connor's grip tightened.

"Jude," Connor murmured, prompted back to life by the movement. He leaned forward slightly, so that his forehead was resting against Jude's. He closed his eyes.

Jude trembled and closed his eyes too.

"Jude," Connor repeated, and Jude knew that the gavel was about to fall, one way or another.

He felt Connor shake, and then he felt Connor's head move. Connor's nose skimmed down the length of Jude's, pausing when his lips were just a hairs breadth away from Jude's. They felt each other breathe for a moment, and then Connor closed what was left of the gap.

Jude could taste mint on Connor's tongue. He could feel the scarring on one side of his mouth. But it was the best damn kiss that Jude ever had. Connor let go of Jude's hand and dropped his arm from Jude's shoulders. Without breaking their kiss, he pulled Jude's legs over his lap so that they were closer than ever. Jude wrapped his arms securely around Connor, while Connor did the same.

They broke their long kiss, both quickly drawing in breath. Connor gave Jude a few quick pecks on the lips, before he drew Jude into a tight hug.

"I love you too."


	3. Chapter 3

Jude woke just as the sun was beginning to rise. He always felt happy in the mornings, but there were few mornings that could rival this one. The sun was beaming in through his window, signifying that it was going to be a warm October day. Jude stretched slightly, trying to crack his back slightly without disturbing Connor.

They had gone to sleep in the same bed. While Connor easily could have slept in Alex's bed, and while it may have been more comfortable, given that dorm beds were notoriously small and neither boy was slight, they couldn't fathom the thought of sleeping in separate beds. They had curled up together, Jude tucking himself against the wall, his head on Connor's uninjured side. That was how they had fallen asleep.

Connor was a restless sleeper, though. From their very first sleepover, Jude had noted that Connor could be obnoxious when he slept. He tossed and turned; kicked and twisted; he sometimes made odd noises that almost counted as snoring. Jude had long since learned to sleep through Connor's nighttime antics, but he was always amazed at the aftermath.

The blankets Jude had so lovingly pulled over himself and Connor late last night had been kicked away; the comforter fell over the end of the bed, while the sheet was tangled around Connor's legs, one of which was half of the bed, the other covered one of Jude's. Connor was on his stomach. He had one arm under the pillow; the other was slung around Jude's waist. His face was buried in the crack between his and Jude's pillows. Every so often, Connor would release a snort, or one of his limbs would twitch, before he settled back into sleep.

Jude sat up a little, careful not to disturb Connor. He propped himself up against his headboard, looking down at the boy he was sharing his bed with. He didn't know what label to apply to Connor; they weren't just best friends anymore, but nothing more concrete had been said. Jude closed his eyes and forced himself to take a breath. They didn't need to rush into a label, he decided. He remembered how he had felt when he was younger and people had been trying to force him into a label. Was he gay or was he straight? Was he something else entirely? He had hated the questions; hated that he needed to be one thing or another. The fact that he had eventually come out as gay didn't mean anything to him; the fact that so many people had tried to force him into a box had made him slightly resentful of his sexuality when he finally came to terms with what his sexuality was.

He didn't want to push for a definition or a label if it would lead to any kind of resentment from Connor's end. Jude wanted to do everything right, because there was nothing more right in this world than Connor being next to him. Smiling to himself, Jude looked down at Connor. From this angle, despite the shaved head, he still looked like Connor. He didn't look like a soldier, suffering injuries from a wayward grenade. He looked like the best friend that Jude had ever known.

Jude reached out to touch the stubble of Connor's hair. The minute Jude's hand touched Connor's head, the other boy jolted up wildly, his hand flying from Jude's waist to grab Jude's wrist. Connor pinned his hand down, leaning over Jude forcefully, as if he were going to attack him. Jude whimpered, unable to get words out of his throat. He hadn't expected Connor to react to his gentle touch – he hadn't thought that it would so much as wake him up. The fear he felt at being confronted with Connor the Soldier closed Jude's throat up. He wanted to call out to Connor, but he couldn't get anything out.

Connor opened his eyes at Jude's small sound, and myriad of emotions flashed over the man's face. He let go of Jude's arm, slowly backing away until he was sitting at the end of the bed. Connor twisted so that he had both feet firmly planted on the floor. He put his elbows on the tops of his thighs, and ran his hands over his face. He finally hung his head down, his hands falling between his knees.

"I'm sorry, Jude. I just … I forgot where I was for a minute and I thought you were … someone else."

Jude crept down the length of the bed until he was next to Connor. He crossed his legs under him and reached over to rub Connor's shoulder blades.

Connor glanced at him quickly. "I … I didn't hurt you, did I?"

Jude shook his head. He'd been surprised; a little frightened, maybe, but Connor hadn't hurt him. Jude didn't believe that Connor could hurt him. He took Connor's hand and moved in closer to him.

"I shouldn't have," Jude mumbled.

"It's not that," Connor assured him. "I just … I don't sleep anymore, not really. I keep waiting for something to happen. For a bomb to drop or to be attacked. Whenever I close my eyes, I keep seeing horrible, horrible things. And some of them were horrible things that _I_ did."

Jude didn't know how to reply to that. He couldn't take away the experiences that Connor had gone through; he couldn't heal Connor's wounds.

Connor looked him in the eye. "Last night, lying next to you, that's the first time I slept through the night since I left home."

Jude bit his lip, and then he pulled Connor backward, so that they were both laying down again. Sometimes, there were no words. Sometimes, there were no phrases or sentences that could help a person. Sometimes, all you have to do is be there. And that was all Jude knew how to do: he knew how to stand beside Connor, as unfailingly as Connor had stood beside him for all of these years. He held his friend, his love, until the tremors in Connor's veins stopped.

"I really missed you," Connor whispered, running his thumb across Jude's bicep.

Jude felt his stomach tighten as Connor shifted, rising up onto one elbow, wondering if Connor was going to kiss him again. But Connor simply stayed on his side, studying Jude. Jude settled so that he was flat on his back and reached up to touch Connor's face, gently running his fingers over the ruined skin.

"Scary, isn't it?" Connor swallowed, showcasing his insecurity.

Jude shook his head. Nothing about Connor could ever be scary.

"You can say it," Connor pressed. "I look awful, like a monster or something."

"Not a monster," Jude insisted. He pressed his palm flat against Connor's cheek. "It really doesn't hurt?"

Connor shook his head. "Not anymore … not really."

Before Jude could ask what 'not really' meant, Connor had a question of his own. "What time is your first class?"

"Nine."

"Good," Connor murmured. He moved his free arm to Jude's side, trailing his fingers up and down Jude's ribs. "We have time."

Connor slipped his hand under Jude's shirt, fingers roaming across the sensitive skin of Jude's stomach. Goosebumps erupted on Jude's flesh.

"Do you mind?" Connor asked.

Jude shook his head. As long as Connor's fingers continued to feel like that against his skin, he could touch him wherever he wanted. Connor pulled his shirt up, exposing Jude's chest. In a rush of confidence, Jude slid the rest of the way out of his top, discarding it on the floor. Connor pushed himself up so that he was completely leaning over Jude, using his arms to keep his full weight off him. Jude shivered from the heat that was rolling from Connor as their chests pressed together. And then Connor was kissing him again. Jude looped his arm around the back of Connor's neck, pulling the other man's head to his, making sure that there was no escape from their embrace. Jude's other hand crept up the back of Connor's t-shirt, his fingers meeting Connor's bare flesh.

Connor surprised Jude by gently nipping at his lip. Jude couldn't hold in his moan at the move.

Jude didn't know how long he lay there, memorizing the way Connor's lips move, tracing his hands along the muscles of Connor's back. He wasn't aware of the passage of time as Connor pulled his shirt over his head, and Jude had new canvas to explore, from the curve of Connor's collarbone to the pitted, scarred skin.

"Jude," Connor pulled away.

Jude dug his hands into Connor's hipbones, refusing to let him get far.

"You have to get ready for class," Connor insisted.

"Not important," Jude mumbled, moving his thumbs down the outline of Connor's hips. "Not like you."

"As convincing as you are," Connor murmured, voice husky, "you should still go to class."

Jude gave him a doubtful look.

"Go, and I promise I'll be here when you get back."

"Promise?" Jude repeated.

"Promise," Connor assured him. He leaned over Jude again, giving him a deep kiss, before rolling away. "Now, get going."

"Don't be bossy," Jude replied sassily, rolling out of bed.

"Don't tell me what to do," Connor returned, rolling onto his stomach and taking up the entire bed.

Jude shook his head to himself, and went about getting dressed. Connor had given him _just_ enough time to get to class … if Jude was quick.

(-.-)

**Jude: Coffee?**

**Connor: you're reading my mind!**

** Jude: Good because I already ordered it**

** Connor: then why did you ask?**

** Jude: because you're slow at answering texts**

** Connor: I was sleeping!**

** Jude: that's not my fault**

** Connor: you're the one who wore me out this morning**

** Jude: and I'm not even slightly sorry about it**

** Connor: me either**

** Connor: when will you be back?**

Jude slid his phone back in his pocket and unlocked his dorm room door.

"Back now," he said to Connor, in response to the text he'd just read.

"And with caffeine!" Connor exclaimed, eagerly reaching his hand out for the cup Jude had.

Jude passed him the cup, and then opened his bag and tossed a small brown bag on the bed where Connor was sitting. Connor peeked in the bag and grinned.

"And chocolate doughnuts! I'm so excited!"

"At least I know what takes priority," Jude commented with an eye roll.

Connor looked up, only slightly sheepish, chocolate crumbs already framing his mouth.

"I…Well, you delivered them. That means something!" He joked.

Jude rolled his eyes again, although it was a good-natured gesture. He picked up his own coffee and sipped. He remained standing, even as Connor tugged him toward the bed. Connor leaned his head against Jude's ribs, telling him, "Look, if you keep bringing me chocolate doughnuts, you'll eventually climb the priority ranks."

Jude looked down, giving him a look.

"Have I told you how great you are today?" Connor asked. "No? Well, Jude, you're absolutely great. One in a million. You know you're the best person ever."

"I know," Jude joked, and then he kissed the top of Connor's head.

He twisted away from Connor to sit at the other end of the bed and eat his own doughnut. Jude was chewing his first bite, when Connor started.

"Jude, I don't want to make you self-conscious or anything, but I kind of have to say this."

Jude froze. His mind flashed, trying to think of what he could possibly have done wrong already. Was it because he had morning breath earlier? Because Connor had too, and Jude hadn't cared.

"I just need you to know how incredibly happy I am to hear your voice."

Jude looked at him, confused. "That's all?"

"That's all?" Connor repeated with an incredulous laugh. "Really?"

Jude was puzzled. When he'd been silent, he realized how little a person needed a voice. Words weren't strictly necessary. There was enough that could be communicated in a touch, a glance, a gesture. He'd thought Connor had understood that in a way that no one else hadn't. He fidgeted. It wasn't like his voice was a great gift to the world or anything, either. It was raspy from misuse, and it grated on Jude's nerves whenever he spoke and his throat irritated him more with every word he said. Jude was sure that, if he spoke enough, both of these things would eventually subside, but he didn't know if he would speak that much. He didn't know if anyone but Connor would hear him.

He couldn't even say for sure why he was speaking so much to Connor.

"I'm not saying that quiet you was a bad thing, or a mistake," Connor began slowly, "because that was still you, and that's all I need, okay? But, it's just indescribable to hear your voice."

Jude smiled at him.

Connor shimmied down the mattress so that he was right next to Jude.

"So, will you tell me again?"

Jude looked at Connor out of the corner of his eye.

"What you said last night," Connor clarified. "Will you tell me again?"

"Oh, I love you," Jude said automatically, once he realized what Connor was asking. Except, he was so eager to say the words again that he forgot that he still had doughnut in his mouth, and he accidentally sprayed dark crumbs everywhere with his words.

Jude blushed, but Connor wasn't paying attention. Connor was smiling to himself. Jude swallowed the remainder of his doughnut and stretched his hand forward to touch the joyed expression on Connor's face.

"I'm just really happy I wasn't dreaming that part," Connor explained.

And then Jude was smiling too.

**I came up with an idea to take this fic, so it's going to be a handful more chapters, if you guys want there to be :)**

**~TLL~**


	4. Chapter 4

"Your phone," Jude mumbled, voice far lower than he'd intended.

He had almost gone back to sleep, lying in bed with Connor's head against his chest. There was more than enough time to take a nap before his next class, and he and Connor had been more than okay with staying lazy today. But then Connor's phone had begun to vibrate, and Jude was annoyed at the intrusion.

"No," Connor grunted, though Jude wasn't sure if he was denying that his phone was trying to get his attention or if he was talking about the fact that he didn't want to move to get his phone.

Jude leaned over and picked up the device, placing it against Connor's bare shoulder blades. Connor groaned, and then twisted his arm to pick up his phone. He flipped over onto his back, Jude's arm caught under his neck, and lifted the phone to the unblemished side of his face.

"Hello? … Hi, Mom … No … I think I'm entitled to be lazy at this point … Exactly … Yeah, still … Later? … Fair enough … Okay, Mom … Yeah, before … You too. Bye."

Connor sat up slightly and tossed the phone onto Jude's nightstand before flopping back onto the bed. He placed his head on Jude's shoulder, keeping his back flat on the mattress. He reached up one hand and took Jude's hand in his own.

"Mom wants me home by noon," Connor explained.

Jude didn't say anything, just ran his fingers across Connor's short hair. He didn't want Connor to go. He was afraid that once Connor left, they would never get this back. He worried that once Connor was separated from him, Connor would realize that he didn't want to be with Jude.

"I think we should talk about us, you know, what we are," Connor mentioned. He twisted his head so that he was looking at Jude, and Jude looked back at him. "And you actually have to talk to me, and not just give me that look."

Jude gaped at Connor, and almost asked 'what look?'. Instead, he shrugged, "Okay."

"I don't know if we should tell people about us right away. I mean, we can if you want to but this is so new and … I don't want to make it sound like I'm trying to hide you, Jude, because I'm definitely not. I just, I want to figure us out before we let other people try to figure us out." Connor paused. "Does that make sense?"

Jude nodded. "But …"

"But what?"

"Well," Jude asked slowly, "what are we?"

Connor was silent for a moment. "You're mine. I'm yours. We'll figure out the rest later."

Jude couldn't help but smile at those words. He belonged to someone; someone he was in love with. It felt as beautiful as the day that Stef and Lena had officially adopted him, and he knew that he would have a family forever. Being part of the Adams-Foster family had felt right, just like being Connor's felt right.

"Because I do love you, Jude."

Jude's smile widened, and he squeezed Connor's shoulders.

"Even if you do have to go to class and I have to go home."

"No," Jude protested, even though he knew Connor was right. Despite all that Connor had just said, Jude was still nervous to let him go.

"Yeah, but we'll talk later, okay?"

Jude sighed. "Okay."

Connor rocked off the bed and went to put clothes on. As he did that, Jude also rose off the bed. He went to his jacket, which was draped over his desk chair. He dug into his pocket and pulled out the truck key. Jude slipped it off his key ring, and then he closed his fist firmly around the key. He thought of all the days that he had spent, driving around in Connor's truck, fearful that Connor would never come back to drive it again. Jude turned around as Connor was pulling a sweater over his head.

He went to stand next to Connor, and slipped the key into Connor's hand. Connor opened his palm immediately, confused as to what Jude was doing. He saw the key and he smiled.

"You did take good care of the truck, right?" He asked.

Jude gave him a look. "Yes … but it's pink."

"You better be joking," Connor studied him.

Jude's cheek twitched, trying not to smile.

"Jude."

And then Jude laughed.

"Jerk," Connor joked. "You don't need it, do you? I don't want to pull it out from under you."

"Your truck," Jude insisted. "You take it."

"Okay … I should go," Connor said reluctantly. He leaned forward, giving Jude a kiss. "I'll text you later."

"Okay."

(-.-)

Jude knocked on the apartment door.

"Come in!" Callie shouted.

He twisted the doorknob and found it unlocked. He padded into the apartment that Callie and Mariana shared. He looked around for either of his sisters, and heard movement in the kitchen. He headed into that room, finding Callie in the kitchen.

"Hey, Jude! Come stir this."

Obediently, Jude went to the stove and took over stirring the pot that Callie had indicated. He sniffed at the white sauce, trying to figure out what it was.

"It's a mushroom alfredo sauce," Callie explained. "Mari and I have spaghetti left over from last night, so I'm trying a new sauce. She's not home, by the way. She and mystery boy have a date."

Jude nodded.

"Are you hungry?" Callie asked. Jude nodded again. "Cool."

After heating up the spaghetti and pouring the sauce over the noodles, Callie and Jude took seats on the couch. After a moment, Callie poked him with her toe.

"So, what brings you over?"

Jude sucked a long noodle into his mouth and chewed thoughtfully. After a moment, he said, "Connor's home."

Callie fumbled with her bowl, nearly dropping it. She looked up, expression ecstatic and amazed. "Oh my god, your voice! Oh my god, how is he?" She rushed her words.

Jude smiled nervously. "Good."

"I'm happy to hear that." Callie reached out and touched his leg. "I'm so happy to hear _you_, little brother."

Jude nodded. "It … felt like time."

"Yeah?"

"It's still hard … still hurts, but I _want_ to talk now," and then he continued, confessing, "Connor got hurt. His whole right side his scarred. It was a grenade."

"Oh –"

"And we're together."

"Well when you get going, you don't stop," Callie joked and Jude blushed. "Is Connor all right now?"

Jude nodded.

"And you're happy?"

He nodded again. "We decided to not tell everyone, because he just got home, but I wanted to tell you."

"Aww, that's so great."

Jude grinned into his pasta. They sat there in silence for a moment before Callie's cell phone rang.

"Hello?" She answered the phone. "Hey, Mom. Hold on a sec, Jude is here so I'll put you on speaker."

Jude's eyes widened. He waved his arms to get Callie's attention, and then he pointed at his throat. He shook his head wildly.

"Why?" Callie mouthed at him.

Jude folded his hands together, as one might in prayer, and silently begged her not to say a word about his voice.

"What about Connor?" Callie asked Jude, just as silently as she had before, and Jude shook his head again. "Okay."

"Hi, Jude," Lena said into the phone.

"He's waving," Callie told her. "So what's up?"

"Is Mariana home?" Lena asked.

"No, why?"

"We were hoping to have a family discussion. Ah well. Can you conference call Brandon and Jesus?"

"Absolutely."

As Callie called the brothers, Jude received a text. He pulled out his phone and smiled.

**Connor: What are you up to?**

** Jude: I'm at Callie's. We're having a family phone meeting.**

** Connor: That sounds exciting**

** Jude: more like chaotic.**

"Hey guys," Brandon said as he picked up the phone.

There was a rumbling noise as Stef picked up another phone within in the Adams Foster house.

"Can we make this quick?" Jesus said into the phone, heaving for breath.

"Jesus, what on Earth are you doing?" Stef wondered.

"I was in the middle of exercising," Jesus panted. "I'm at the gym, Mom. Calm down."

"We just wanted to talk about the barbeque Friday night," Lena filled them in. "We thought it might be nice to have a potluck."

**Connor: your family has always been chaotic**

** Jude: that's true**

** Connor: What are you talking about?**

"I can make my veggie salad," Callie offered.

"I'll do chips and dip!" Jesus announced.

**Jude: food for the bbq Friday**

** Connor: anything good on the menu?**

"I'll take suggestions," Brandon offered. "I can't really think of anything off the top of my head."

"What about those potato things?" Stef wondered. "The ones you put garlic on."

"Oh yeah," Brandon said to his mother. "I could do those."

"And Jude?" Lena asked. "What about Jude?"

"Hmmm," Callie pondered. "Could you do a dessert?"

**Jude: I think I'm making a dessert.**

He shrugged at his sister.

"Brownies?" Callie suggested.

Jude nodded. He'd never made brownies but how hard could they be?

**Connor: oh?**

** Jude: have you ever made brownies?**

** Connor: can't say I have**

** Jude: you feel like attempting?**

Jude looked at Callie, and then he texted her.

**Jude: will you ask moms if you can bring a mystery person to the bbq?**

Callie frowned as she read the message, and then she met Jude's eyes. "Connor?" She mouthed.

Jude nodded, and answered, just as quietly, with the word, "surprise."

"Hey, Moms, is it all right if I bring someone to the barbeque?"

Before Stef and Lena answered her, however, Brandon spoke. "Who?"

"Just someone. I want to surprise you all," Callie answered casually.

"The more the merrier, honey," Stef assured her. "And tell Mariana to find something food-like to bring."

"Although," Lena added, "if she wants to introduce us to that boy she's been talking to for the past few weeks, she can bring him too."

"Are we done?" Jesus asked the family. "I don't want to be here too late."

"We release you from the family phone call," Stef declared to Jesus.

**Connor: sure **** you can come over here**

** Jude: and do you want to come to the bbq?**

** Connor: wouldn't miss it**

"Bye!" Jesus called through the phone. "See you all Friday!"

"Bye!" The rest of the family chorused.

"I'm going to bed," Lena yawned. "Have to get up early tomorrow."

"Goodnight, Mom," Callie bade.

"Sweet dreams," Brandon wished her.

"Good night guys," Lena bade, and then she hung up her phone.

"I'm going to let you two go," Callie said to Brandon and Stef.

"Bye, Cal," Stef replied.

Callie hung up the phone and looked at Jude. Jude crossed his arms and looked at his sister.

"What?" She questioned him.

Jude raised his eyebrows higher.

"What is that look for?" Callie continued.

Jude hoped that she took the hint; his eyebrows couldn't get any higher. He glanced at the phone, and back at his sister.

She blushed. "I … I don't know what you mean," she said, although she clearly did.

"Why," Jude finally asked, "does Brandon sound jealous of your mystery date?"

"You are too observant," Callie laughed.

"Callie has a boyfriend," Jude huffed under his breath.

"And so does Jude!" Callie shot right back, "But we're not going to talk about either of them in front of other people, are we?"

"No," Jude agreed.

**Connor: hellooo. Don't ignore me!**

Jude chuckled at the text, although he realized that he hadn't replied to Connor's last message.

**Jude: sorry**

** Connor: I thought I was going to have to start texting you Bohemian Rhapsody**

** Jude: you've never gotten through the entirety of that song**

** Connor: it's a life goal now**

** Connor: one time I got to the first mama that was a proud moment**

** Jude: you're a dork.**

** Connor: you love it**

** Jude: I admit nothing**

Jude finally looked up from his cell phone to see Callie looked at him strangely. He shrugged, questioning her as to the look, and she just smiled.

"I've never seen you look like that before," she explained. "I … I don't even know how to explain it." She laughed at herself. "I suppose I'm just getting old and sentimental."

Jude frowned; Callie wasn't even old yet.

"It's strange," she continued on, oblivious to the look that he had been giving her just a moment before, "To look at you now and think of who you were. All of us, really." She shook her head. "Forget it, okay? I had a few coolers with Mariana before she left on her date."

Jude agreed to drop it, but continued to watch his sister, wondering what on earth was going on in her head.

**I don't own anything recognizable.**

**~TLL~**


	5. Chapter 5

Jude glanced over at Connor, and then back to the counter. Today was the day of the barbeque, and they had two hours to make perfect brownies. Connor had gathered the ingredients for brownies at his house, and now they were getting ready to make the sugary dessert.

"I mean, we're adults. We're twenty-one years old. I survived a war! We can figure out how to make good brownies, right?"

Jude nodded at Connor's words. There was nothing intimidating about brownies and, normally, Jude would have been excited about trying something like this. He wanted the brownies to be perfect, however, because he was taking them to his family. While he knew his family would tell him that he did a good job regardless, and that the brownies were wonderful for his first attempt, he wanted them to really be wonderful.

"Let's start!" Connor announced.

Half an hour and a messy kitchen later, Connor and Jude were sitting on the floor of Connor's living room. The brownies were in the oven and there was a reality T.V. show going on in the background. They were eating the leftover brownie batter; Jude was spooning it out with a wooden spoon, while Connor was using his fingers.

Jude licked the bottom of the spoon clean. "I have a question."

Connor lifted his eyes to Jude. "Ask away."

"Is there something wrong with your ear?"

Self-consciously, Connor reached up and touched his right ear, the one on the scarred side of his body. "What … what do you mean?"

"You always move when I talk and I'm on that side. And whenever you answer the phone, it's always on your left. And I'm worried about you."

"You caught me," Connor admitted. "It's not full deafness or anything. I can still hear out of my right ear. But my left ear is so much better that it makes my right ear make seem a lot worse. Does that make sense?"

Jude nodded. Connor shifted around the bowl so that his right side was the one pressed against Jude.

"I can hear you," Connor told him. "I always heard you, even when you didn't talk."

Jude giggled over the cheesy nature of the moment, and rested his head against Connor's shoulder. Connor dipped his fingers into the bowl of brownie batter and then reached up, smearing chocolate over Jude's face. Jude squealed in surprise and reached for the bowl himself. His hands became covered in the chocolate concoction and then he ran his hand over the side of Connor's cheek.

It turned into a full out chocolate war. The chocolate flecks went flying. The arms, hands, and faces of the boys became coated in the gooey mess. It ended when Jude became unable to stand the way the chocolate was clinging to Connor's lips, and kissed him instead of fighting back. Jude smoothed his tongue across Connor's lips, stealing the brownie mix that was lingering there. Connor's hands came up to cup Jude's face and he leaned back against the couch, Jude between his legs. Jude slid up the length of Connor's body, unused to feeling like the taller one. In the middle of their kiss, the brownie timer went off.

Jude went to pull away, but Connor gripped the front of his shirt, leaving brownie marks.

"They're done," Jude protested and stood up.

He left Connor sitting on the floor for a moment, before he heard the other boy scramble to his feet and follow him into the kitchen. Jude picked up a pair of oven mitts, before pulling oven open and grabbing the brownies. Jude set their creation on the counter. Connor came up behind him and they both studied the pan intently.

"Well, they're certainly brown," Connor observed.

"Thank you, Mr. Soldier. Glad to see the army taught you something."

Connor wrapped his arms around Jude's waist, Jude's back pressing against his chest. "You're a lot more sarcastic than I remember."

"You love it."

"I might," Connor admitted.

"They have to cool before we put frosting on," Jude reminded Connor. "And then we'll have to leave for the barbeque."

"Wouldn't want to be late to surprise your moms," Connor agreed. "I missed your family."

"And to surprise the siblings. Only Callie knows you're coming," Jude reminded him, and then added, "They missed you too. Moms always asked about you."

Jude followed Connor down the hallway, but where Connor continued into his room, Jude ducked into the bathroom to assess the damage. He had brownie mix all over his upper body although, miraculously it had stayed out of his hair. He pulled a face cloth from Connor's bathroom closet, turned on the tap, and rid himself of the brownie batter. Content that he had removed all of the mess from himself, Jude looked at his t-shirt. His yellow shirt was covered in dried brownie mix – there was no way he was going to be able to clean his shirt off.

He headed into Connor's room, where Connor had wiped off most of his chocolate mess. He had pulled on a new shirt.

"Can I borrow …" Jude began, but Connor had already gestured to the closet.

"Take your pick," Connor invited. "I'll be right back."

Jude ran his hand over Connor's row of shirts. He picked out a soft blue t-shirt, one that he remembered seeing on Connor. He switched his shirts and then he left Connor's room. He went back to the kitchen and, after washing his hands one more time, he poked at the brownies. They had cooled somewhat, but they were still quite warm. Either way, Jude had to frost him now, since they had to leave for the barbeque very soon – Moms were expecting him.

He was slathering on frosting – canned frosting; he wasn't a culinary genius – when Connor came back into the kitchen.

"So, I've got something to tell you," Connor announced.

Jude's first thought was that Connor had to go back; that despite what Connor had said, the military was taking him back to war.

Connor saw his expression. "It's a good thing … I think."

Now Jude was confused.

"I told my mom about you … us." Connor shuffled his foot against the floor. "I didn't tell my dad yet, but I'm going to. You know what he's like, though. But Mom, she's happy, 'cause she loves you. And I know you already told Callie, but if you wanted to tell the rest of them today, I'd be okay with that."

"Let's see how they react to seeing you first," Jude decided. "Besides, we've got time, don't we?"

"Time for everything," Connor assured me. "Except to get to your Moms by five."

Jude glanced at the clock. "We should go."

"After you."

Jude, cradling his brownies close, climbed into the truck; on the passenger side, where he belonged. He remembered how strange it had felt, climbing into the driver's side for the first time, driving away and leaving Connor behind. It was Connor's truck, not Jude's, and Jude was glad that Connor now had it back. As they drove toward Stef and Lena's, Jude thought back to the first time that he had laid eyes on this truck.

(-.-)

_** Connor: Can I come over?**_

_** Jude: yes**_

_** Connor: be outside. I have something to show you!**_

_Jude padded out outside, sitting on the porch. It was hot out, and sweat was pooling behind his knees. He sat there, though, waiting for Connor. He wondered about what Connor could possibly have to show him, but he had no idea. He idly scratched at his arm, and that's when he heard it. A rumbling, belching sound that grated on his nerves and made Jude want to cover his ears._

_ To Jude's horror, the noise became louder, and louder, until he could finally see what was making the noise. It was an ancient looking truck. It was grey, or had been once; now, the paint was chipping off. The truck was going slow, although it looked so old that Jude presumed 'slow' was its only setting. As Jude watched, the thing turned into _his_ driveway, and it was _his_ best friend that jumped out._

_ "What do you think?" Connor shouted, turning off the truck and jumping out._

_ Jude stood up and looked at the vehicle, if you could stretch the imagination far enough to recognize the thing as a 'vehicle'._

_ "Isn't it beautiful?" Connor exclaimed._

_ Jude didn't know how to respond to that. Even if Jude had been using his voice at that point, he still would have had nothing to say to that. The truck was far from beautiful. So he stood there, arms crossed low on his chest, staring at the truck. Eventually he looked at Connor, spread out his hands to the truck, and shrugged._

_ "I know it has a long way to go," Connor admitted. "And, don't even mention the sound because I know it needs to be fixed, which I will get done. But I bought it! It's all mine! Jude, I have a truck!"_

_ Connor's enthusiasm was contagious, and Jude found himself smiling._

_ "Want to go for a drive?"_

_ Jude hesitated for a moment, and then he nodded. He gestured to the house._

_ "Yeah, go ask your Moms. I'll wait right here."_

_ Jude dashed into the house. He ran into Stef first. He dragged her to the front window, so that she could see Connor walking circles around his truck, chest puffed out in pride._

_ "You want to go for a drive?" Stef guessed. Jude nodded. "Does it run? I mean, it kind of looks like a death trap honey."_

_ Jude could only offer an uneasy expression in return._

_ "Is your phone charged?"_

_ Jude nodded._

_ Stef sighed. "Good, so you can text when that thing breaks down on the side of the road." She put her arm around Jude's waist, the boy who had grown taller than all of them – save Brandon, and gave him a hug. "Go on. Have fun."_

_ Jude bounded back out onto the lawn._

_ "Good to go?" Connor called._

_ Jude gave him a thumbs up. And then he climbed into the passenger seat. The dashboard was faded and there were rips in the seats. There was a musty scent that covered the inside of the cab. And when Connor started the engine, the entire truck vibrated and protested. Jude wanted to clamp his hands over his ears even more so now that he was in the cab. But he didn't._

_ Instead, he smiled, and fiddled with the radio, even though the radio wouldn't work for another month and a half._

(-.-)

"What are you thinking about?" Connor asked, interrupting Jude's reminiscing.

"Guess."

"Uh … zombies."

"No."

"Food?"

"No."

"My sexy truck?"

"Yes."

"Really?" Connor started, raising his eyebrows. "I'm kind of hurt. I was hoping it was me."

"Eh," Jude shrugged, and snaked his hand across the seat. He picked up Connor's.

The last time he had held Connor's hand across this seat, he had been driving with Connor to the airport. There had been times, when Connor was overseas, when he would climb into the truck and sit in the passenger's seat. He would close his eyes and stretch his arm across the seat, as if he could trick his mind into believing that there was someone sitting in the driver's seat to hold his hand. He would close his eyes and will himself back to the long days that he had spent in the truck, reaching for Connor to find Connor reaching back.

"I love you," Jude told him. "And I'm so happy you're home."

"Me too," Connor replied, squeezing his hand. "I missed you so much when I was away."

They pulled into the Adams Foster driveway.

"But you're not going away again, right?" Jude clarified.

"Nope. I'm right here for as long as you want me."

"Don't make promises you can't keep," Jude whispered under his breath, knowing that Connor wouldn't hear his voice that low. "Let's go in."

"I'm excited to see them," Connor revealed as they jumped out of the truck.

Jude brushed Connor's hand as they walked through the house and into the backyard.

**Just throwing out a quick mention that I'm not American, nor am I familiar with their military in any way, shape, or form. Anything mentioned about the military within this fanfic should not be taken as fact; most of it has been twisted in order to fit the story.**

**I don't own anything recognizable.**

**~TLL~**


	6. Chapter 6

"Jude's here!" Jesus trumpeted, spotting his youngest sibling, and then he noticed the extremely tall boy standing behind Jude, the boy with the ruined face. And Jesus said, "Holy shit," both because of who the boy was, and because of what had happened to him.

"Language," Stef scolded Jesus without turning away from the barbeque. It didn't matter that Jesus was well into his twenties, he would always be her child.

Before Jude could explain the situation to his mother, Mariana turned around and shrieked. "It's Connor, oh my god, it's Connor!"

She slid across the grass, flying past her little brother to hug the solider. "Hi! Oh my god, how long have you been home? Are you okay?"

Stef had abandoned her barbeque for a moment to go and meet with Connor. "Let the poor boy breathe!" She instructed Mariana, before she beckoned Connor into a hug of her own. She had spent countless hours getting to know Connor as he and Jude grew up together, and she would bet that, had one of her own boys gone to war, she would have been just as heartbroken as she had been when Connor had left. "How are you, love?"

"I'm good, Stef." Connor answered. "Mariana, I got home just a few days ago, and I'm okay."

He talked as he hugged Callie and greeted Brandon and Jesus with quick grasps of each other's arms and side hugs.

"I hate to ask the obvious," Jesus said, "but what happened to your face?"

"Jesus," Stef gasped.

"We were all thinking it," Jesus cried.

"Oh." There was a voice behind Connor; Lena, who had been upstairs, changing out of a t-shirt she'd spilled water on. "Is this Callie's mystery guest?"

Connor turned around. In the years since he had known Jude's family, he'd become close to all of them. They had accepted him as an honourary child. He felt as if Jesus and Brandon were brothers; Callie and Mariana his sisters. He respected Stef and he cared about her, but, behind Jude, it was Lena that Connor loved the most in the Adams Foster family.

"Hey," Connor said to her.

"Oh, Connor," Lena breathed. She sprinted the few steps that separated the few steps between her and the young man and, like all of her family members before her, she hugged him. "I've been so worried about you. I'm so happy to see you safe and home!"

"Me too," Connor admitted. "It's been a long three years."

"I bet," Lena agreed, stepping away from us. "This is a great surprise."

Connor grinned. "You should have seen Jude's face when I surprised him the night I got home."

"I bet he was shocked," Lena nodded.

"Come on guys, let's stop hovering over here," Stef began to shoo them toward the barbeque. "I have burgers to watch out for, so let's talk over there."

In a flurry of movement, lawn chairs were relocated next to the barbeque, so that they could talk to one another and Stef all at once. Jude maneuvered himself so that he ended up between Connor and Callie.

"Jude, why didn't you tell us Connor was home?" Stef asked, including her silent son in the conversation, as they all had learnt to do.

"Sorry," Jude mumbled without thinking about it. Now that he had fallen back into the habit of speech, he wasn't sure how he had gone so long without it. He lifted his eyes to Stef, who was beaming at him, but who was desperately trying not to show how glad she was to hear his voice.

"Well," Stef finally said, pointing her spatula at Jude, "I'll forgive you just this once."

Jude smiled at her, grateful that his family would accept his speech with the same clunky grace that they had accepted his silence. Jesus would be the most likely to make a comment about it, but Jude didn't hold it against Jesus in any way. He knew that his brother wasn't doing it to be cruel or spiteful, but that Jesus only commented the things he did because that was how Jesus communicated. Jude knew his brother loved him, just as he loved his brother. And if ever Jesus went too far, Jude knew that Jesus would back off and apologize the moment Jude indicated that he needed to.

He looked to Jesus then, to see his brother's reaction, but Jesus was only staring at him.

"What?" Jude finally asked.

"I … kind of thought you'd still sound twelve and my mind is just kind of blown."

"Wow, Jesus," Brandon shook his head. "You're off the walls tonight."

"You do seem kind of amped," Mariana agreed. "What's up?"

"I have an announcement!" Jesus stood up, commanding attention. "I have made the decision that next fall – I know, almost a year away – but … next fall, I will be going to university, after avoiding school for the past six years."

"Aww, honey," Lena exclaimed immediately. "I'm so proud of you."

"Thanks," Jesus beamed.

"Congratulations," Stef rasped. "Do you know what you're going to take?"

"You can't laugh," Jesus told the family seriously.

"We wouldn't," Callie assured him. "We know this is important to you."

"I want to become a teacher, well, a guidance counsellor, but I have to teach for a few years before I do that." He looked at Lena. "You inspired me, Mom."

Lena held her hands over her heart. "Oh. I love you. Come hug me."

Jesus leaned over, hugging the woman who was sitting next to him.

"Any other announcements while we're at it?" Stef questioned her children. "Mariana, you want to tell us about the new boyfriend?"

"He's technically an old boyfriend," Mariana confided. She twirled her hair around her index finger, before saying, "Do you guys remember Zac?"

"The one with the sick mother?" Lena inquired.

"Oh, him," Stef mused as Mariana nodded. "He was a sweet kid."

"Well, I ran into him a few weeks ago and we went out for coffee to reconnect and we just didn't want to stop talking."

"I've bet you've been doing some reconnecting," Jesus joked, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

Mariana stretched and hit her brother in the chest. "Luckily, he's matured since high school, unlike _some_ people."

"You love me."

"You're my twin, I have to!"

"Okay, okay," Stef murmured, in the tone that let her children know it was time to settle it down. "Callie, Brandon, is there any good news either of you have?"

"I have something," Callie revealed.

Jude looked to his sister, waiting for her to reveal her relationship with Brandon. Somehow, he'd always had the sneaking suspicion that Brandon and Callie were never going to be able to let each other go; that they were going to be in love for a long time. It was, upon reflection, lucky for them that Callie had never been legally adopted by Stef and Lena. While she was an undisputed member of the family, loved no more but no less than any of the others, she had come to realize that being adopted only meant a slip of paper. She considered Stef and Lena her moms, even with the entrance of Robert Quinn into her life. Jude had another suspicion that it was bonding with Robert and Sophia that had caused this change of heart; that, and she had already been falling back in love with Brandon.

"Well, spit it out," Lena encouraged. "With all this good news coming, we may have to do something special to celebrate."

Callie took a deep breath. "This might be the last thing anyone is expecting to hear but … I'm pregnant."

Every single person present chorused _"WHAT?" _at roughly the same time. The exception being Brandon, who tugged at the sleeve of his hoodie, unsure of what to do. Jude was sure that most people were shocked – if Callie and Brandon had been keeping their relationship under wraps, everyone probably thought that Callie was single.

"Wait," Jude cried, while everyone else was still gathering their wits. "I thought you told me you were just drinking with Mariana."

Callie made an apologetic face. "I … the baby was making me feel emotional and I didn't want to tell you just yet."

"Is this why you're moving out?" Mariana cried. "You're getting an apartment with the baby daddy?"

"Who _is_ the baby daddy?" Stef interrupted Callie's answer. "I mean … the father of your child. Who is it?"

"Oh my _God_," Jesus exclaimed suddenly, his hand flying out to point at Brandon. "That's why you told me you wanted to get your own place because you're with Callie and you're expecting and _oh my god_ how long have you two been back together?"

"You sound like a teenaged girl," Mariana observed.

Beside Jude, Connor snickered.

"Is that true?" Stef asked, studying Brandon and Callie.

"We were going to tell you about the relationship at this family dinner and the baby next family dinner, but, I just decided I wanted to do it all at once," Callie admitted. She then twisted her head to look at Brandon. "Sorry."

"That explains Brandon's face," Connor commented to Jude, to which Jude nodded.

"Well, I mean congratulations," Lena said. "I'm so surprised but come here you two."

She crossed the circle, drawing Callie and Brandon into her arms. Stef was a few steps behind her, shaken from her shock by Lena's movement. They stood there, cradling each other for a moment.

"Oh god," Stef groaned.

"What?" Lena asked her.

"We're old enough to be grandmothers."

"You don't look a day over twenty-two," Lena complimented her wife.

"You didn't even know me when I was twenty-two," Stef argued.

"That's how old you looked when I met you," Lena said with a wink.

"Moms are so cute," Jude overheard Callie say to Brandon.

Jude took a deep breath, and studied his family. They had all come from different backgrounds; they had all gone through their own struggles in life. They didn't even look alike, in some cases, but they were a family; they were _his_ family. They were his brothers, his sisters, and his mothers. Jude couldn't describe the feeling he had when he looked at his family, talking and laughing with one another, and he realized that they were all happy; his family, the people he loved the most, were happy. He looked at Connor, realizing that, for the first time in three years, everybody he loved was in one place.

He reached over and took Connor's hand, twining his fingers through the other man's. They may not have been ready to announce their love to the world yet, but Jude knew that if there was one place he could be himself, it was in front of his family.

"Are you kidding?" He heard Jesus shriek. "Am I really the only single one?"

"Oh, get over yourself," Callie laughed immediately, knowing what Jesus was commenting on.

"I'm happy for you all, really," Jesus insisted. "It's just unusual."

"You have quite the ego," Mariana told her brother.

Lena was shaking her head, smiling. "Let's recap, in the past twenty minutes we have learned: Connor is back from war; Jude is speaking again; Mariana and Zac are dating; Callie and Brandon are dating, pregnant, and are moving in together; and Jude and Connor are together."

The siblings, and Connor, all exchanged looks and nodded.

"Aw man," Jesus moaned suddenly. "This means I have to find another roommate."

"I'm sure you'll find someone willing to put up with you," Brandon assured him, and then his face changed. "Never mind. You're going to be living alone forever."

"You're hilarious big brother, really," Jesus retorted sarcastically. He rolled his eyes for effect, and then his gaze fell upon Connor. "Hey, Connor, who are you currently living with?"

"Uh, my parents," Connor answered slowly. "Why?"

"Do you feel like moving in with me? Brandon's not leaving for another like, month at least, so lots of time to think about it."

"I think it might be a good idea," Connor mentioned hesitantly.

"We can talk about details later," Jesus nodded. "Mom, you can put 'Connor is moving in with Jesus' on your list of things that have occurred in the past twenty minutes."

Stef laughed, and said with a flourish, "And now, for the least exciting words of the night. It's time to eat!"

"Stef," Connor corrected, "I think you mean the most exciting."

Stef laughed. "For that, my sweet, you get the first plate."

"Dude, what?" Jesus groaned, and good-naturedly shuffled into line behind Connor.

Jude stepped into line behind Brandon, who turned his head to look at his younger brother.

"Congratulations," Jude said.

"Thanks." Brandon smiled. "Start preparing yourself, Uncle Jude."

"Will do," Jude grinned, a sense of completeness settling over him.

_This_ is what family felt like.

**I don't own anything recognizable.**

**~TLL~**


	7. Chapter 7

*Seven*Months*Later*

"Are you trying to start a thumb war?"

"No … only because I know I'd win."

"You wouldn't win."

"I survived an actual war, Jude. I think can handle your thumbs."

"Prove it."

Their fingers brushed as they readjusted their hold on each other's hands. They commenced the traditional thumb war countdown _(one, two, three, four, I declare a thumb war)_, and then their thumbs began to spar. It took only a few seconds for Connor to trap Jude's thumb beneath his own, and he looked smugly at his boyfriend.

"I told you," Connor laughed.

Playfully annoyed, Jude pulled his hand out of Connor's. "It's only because your hand is bigger."

"Excuses, excuses." Connor murmured. He fidgeted, making his back comfortable against the wall. "So, are we going to get productive again or …"

"Nah," Jude said automatically, and then he reconsidered. "We should probably try though."

He kicked at one of the boxes by his feet, the one labelled '_shirts'_ in Jude's own writing. He looked around the room, and felt a smile bloom on his face. He was moving in with Connor, into what had once been Jesus' and Brandon's apartment. Brandon and Callie had now moved in with one another, and everyone in the family was counting down the days until Callie's due date (thirteen more days). Jesus, needing an apartment that was closer to his new school, had moved in with a roommate – Jake – that he'd found on the internet, leaving Connor in need of someone to split rent with. Jude had promptly taken Connor up on his offer to be the one to move in with him, as the apartment was fairly handy to the university. And, he wasn't going to deny this, he just wanted to live with Connor.

It was move-in day, and Jude and Connor hadn't gotten nearly as much done as they had intended to – the consequences of having each other as roommates, with no chance of someone else walking in.

"Even if we just get the bedroom devoid of boxes," Connor mused, and then he stood up. Jude stretched his hand up, and Connor grasped it, pulling Jude up.

Jude had just started hanging shirts in the closet when his phone began making noises – the ringtone that belonged to Brandon. His heart leapt; maybe it was the baby! He answered the call eagerly, putting it on speaker so that Connor could hear as well.

"It's not the baby," Brandon said before Jude could say 'hi'. "Mariana has requested a family conference call."

Feeling slightly disappointed that it wasn't the baby, Jude said, "What's the news?"

"Not yet!" Mariana screeched. "We're still waiting for my dumb twin to answer his cell phone."

"The dumb twin has answered the phone," Jesus growled at his sister. "Mom called me while Brandon was getting Jude."

"Is everyone here?" Mariana asked.

"Momma and I are," Stef told her.

"And me and Connor."

"Callie and I are on speaker together."

"And the dumb twin, as we all know."

"I'm engaged!" Mariana squealed, upon hearing the confirmation. "Zac proposed at lunch!"

"Oh my god."

"Wow, what?"

"How did he do it?"

"Congratulations."

"It's only been a few months though."

"Thank you! And, I know it might seem quick, but it's not like we're getting married next month, Moms. We're waiting until Zac is fully out of medical school, at least."

"Well, we're very happy for you, Mar," Lena cooed. "Engagements and grandchildren; this is quite a time."

"Although," Stef broke in as a warning, "The rest of you don't need to rush into anything like that."

"Condoms, kids," Callie joked.

"Except for Jude," Jesus added. "I think he and Connor are safe from unexpected pregnancy."

Jude turned to face Connor, who was laughing.

"Sometimes," the soldier shouted at the phone, "There are no words for you, Jesus."

"And I take pride in that."

"So," Mariana interrupted, bringing the attention back to her, "Celebratory dinner tomorrow night? Who's in?"

"Brandon," Callie asked, "Are we doing anything tomorrow night?"

"Not unless you plan on having the baby."

"Can I bring Bianca?" Jesus asked.

"Absolutely!" Mariana gushed. "Jude?"

"Uh … I think we're good?" He posed it as a question to Connor.

"I can't think of anything," Connor replied.

"Yay!" Mariana gushed. "That super good Italian place we went for Callie's birthday. Seven o'clock."

Agreeing to the time, and saying goodbye to everyone, Jude hung up the phone.

"Engagements and kids," he sighed to Connor. "I … they don't seem that old."

"They're not," Connor pointed out. "We're twenty-two this year. That means Jesus and Mariana are, what, twenty-four? Which makes Callie and Brandon twenty-five."

"What do you think about Mariana getting engaged?" Jude asked, once again starting to hang shirts.

"Whatever makes her happy, right? Personally, twenty-five feels … young."

"What age do you think people should get married at?" Jude asked, and he felt Connor giving him a sideways glance. Without missing a beat, Jude clarified, "Not asking for personal reasons."

"Uh-huh. Well, forty, fifty, sixty … Somewhere around there."

Jude twisted to see Connor, unpacking jeans and snickering to himself.

"Really," Jude deadpanned.

"Over thirty. And dating for a bazillion years beforehand."

"A bazillion?"

"Like ten."

"Those are some strict requirements," Jude observed.

"I just think that a lot of people get married before they really know each other. I think that waiting until you're older and waiting until you've known each other a certain amount of time it … Well, it doesn't guarantee it, but I think it gives a couple a better chance, you know?"

"People saying marrying your best friend guarantees a long and happy marriage," Jude commented.

He heard Connor's footsteps cross the floor, and leaned backward, into Connor's chest, when he heard the other man behind him. Connor rested his chin on top of Jude's head, placing his hands suggestively on Jude's hips.

"Are you trying to suggest something?"

Jude shook his head. "No … unless you're picking up on my telepathic hints to go get me the lemon cupcake in the kitchen."

Connor chuckled. "I love your subtlety."

"Is that the only thing you love?" Jude asked innocently.

"No," Connor dipped his head done and kissed Jude's cheek. "I'll go get your cupcake."

"I love you," Jude called as Connor headed for the hallway.

"You better!"

Jude hung up the last of his shirts, thinking about the subject of marriage. He had no desire to get married, despite the fact that Connor had joked that he was dropping hints. Jude knew that he was entirely too young to think about the M-word; there would be time enough to consider that later. He'd known Connor almost a decade now, but the fact was that being Connor's best friend and being Connor's boyfriend were very different roles. He liked his new status; liked the boyfriend label more than he'd liked his previous one. But it was still new. As he had told himself the morning after their first kiss, Jude was going to do this relationship properly. He was anxious to see where living together would take them.

"Catch."

Jude spun toward the doorway, half terrified that the lemon cupcake would come flying toward his face. Instead, he effortlessly caught the can of whip cream that Connor had tossed to him, the lemon cupcake safely on a plate in his hand.

"You know me too well," Jude grinned, popping the can off the whip cream.

Connor's eyes sparkled. "No such thing."

(-.-)

"This is so much better than dinner!" Mariana grinned, and then sang, "Callie's having a baby."

It was almost seven at night, and the Adams-Foster clan had taken over half of the small waiting room, which was fairly impressive, considering half of them were sequestered in a hospital room down the hall. Brandon had called them all before, saying Callie had been in labour since early in the afternoon, but that she thought the birth would be soon and that she wanted them all at the hospital. Lena and Stef had been in the hospital room with Brandon and Callie since five. Jude and Connor had arrived at the hospital the same time as Jesus – Mariana had been a few minutes behind them.

"Hopefully soon," Jesus groaned and stretched his legs out.

As if his words had been magic, Stef poked her head around the corner of the waiting room. "There's a new Foster in the world."

As the headed down the hall, Mariana went, "Is it a boy or a girl? What's its name?"

"Ask Callie," Stef invited.

Jude stepped toward his sister's hospital bed first. She reached for his hand and pulled him so that he was sitting on the edge of bed by her knees. Brandon was on the opposite side of the bed, closer to Callie's head, while Lena was hovering by Callie's head.

"His name is David Jude Foster," Callie announced, and Jude couldn't help but grin, even as emotion threatened to overwhelm him.

"Can I hold him?" Jude asked, softly. Gently, Callie transferred her newborn into Jude's arm.

Jude looked down at the little face. He had never seen a person so new before. Born only a few minutes ago, nothing had hurt him yet. This little boy had experienced nothing but love. He had been born into a room that contained his doting parents and warm hearted grandmothers. And now, he was surrounded by an aunt and uncles that would already walk to the ends of the earth for him. Jude wondered if the tiny infant knew that this room was full of people vowing that David Jude Foster would never experience the type of pain that so many of them had. He would never feel the sting of someone's hand against his cheek; would never feel his heart rip in two as he feared he lost it all.

"He's beautiful, Cal."

"Isn't he perfect?" She answered him dreamily. "Do … Do you like his name?"

Jude met his sister's eyes and, making sure that he didn't disturb little David, he took her hand. "I love you."

"I love you too, little brother."

"Can I hold him?" Mariana whispered – although it wasn't a quite whisper.

"Sure," Callie agreed, and then Jude passed his nephew to Mariana. While Mariana stepped backward to show the baby to Jesus, Callie turned her attention back to Jude.

"How's it feel, Miss Mommy?"

"We'll see later," she said. "Right now, it doesn't feel real."

"You can say that again," Brandon added.

"Congrats, Brandon," Jude told him. "He looks a lot like you."

Brandon's eyes widened in mock distress. "The world will be better off if he looks like his mother."

"Don't say that," Stef scolded Brandon. "People say you look like _me_."

"Yeah, I think it's the hair colour," Brandon agreed.

Stef laughed and swatted at him. "It's your bone structure."

"Mari, come here," Callie called, as her boyfriend bickered with his mother.

Mariana settled David into a surprised Connor's arms and headed to Callie's bedside. "Yes, my lovely sister?"

"Brandon and I wanted to ask you, and Jude, if you would be David's godparents."

"Awww," Mariana melted. "We'd be honoured, wouldn't we, Judicorn?"

"Absolutely," Jude agreed.

"Where's David?" Callie craned her neck, trying to see past her tall brother.

"I've got the baby," Lena assured her. "He's so cute you two."

"Bring him over here, Mom," Brandon beckoned.

Jude took a step away from the bed to give Lena room to sit with the new parents. He stood to the side with Connor, taking the man's hand in his own.

"So, you held him, and …" Jude prompted, wanting to hear praise about David as much as Callie and Brandon did.

"I had no idea that newborns were so small," Connor exclaimed. "The youngest kid I've ever been around was, like, two and I thought she was tiny."

Jude chortled.

"You're laughing at me!"

"Only a little. And only 'cause you're cute."

"He kind of looks like you," Connor said.

"David 100% looks like Brandon."

"Yeah, but you and Callie have the same eyes, and David has the same eyes as the two of you." Connor squeezed his hand. "I would know. I've spent a lot of time looking at your eyes."

"Don't go soft on me, Mr. Solider," Jude joked, nudging Connor with his shoulder.

"Whatever you say." Connor nudged him back gently, and then he rested his head on top of Jude's.

**Prepare for time jumps from here on out!**

**Okay, so, next Friday I'm moving across the country. I'll try to update next week, but if it doesn't happen, the story will resume the week after, promise!**

**I don't own anything recognizable.**

**~TLL~**


	8. Chapter 8

"I'm … confused," Jude admitted. He was sitting at the kitchen table, watching Connor cook breakfast and trying to digest what he had just been told. "I thought you said, the night you came home, that you were done with the military."

Connor eyed him. "I believe I said that I never had to go back, and that's true. I'm not going back to combat."

"Okay, but, I don't understand what the military wants you to do now and why you have to go to Georgia for it."

"Georgia is where I did my basic training, so I guess that's why. As for what they want me to do, they just said they wanted to meet with me."

"Is there a chance they'll deploy you again?" Jude pressed, afraid to hear the answer.

Connor shook his head. "No. I'm not, physically, 100%. There's the ear and my physical condition."

Jude snorted. "If they think there's something wrong with your physical condition, then they clearly don't know you as well as I do."

To Jude's immense satisfaction, Connor blushed.

"What happened to the sweet Jude Adams Foster?"

Jude pretended to ponder it. "Maybe you just never noticed because I didn't talk … Do you really think I'm not sweet?"

Connor plated the omelette he had made, and placed it in front of Jude. He kissed his cheek before saying, "You're so sweet you're giving me a cavity."

"So how long are you going to be gone?" Jude asked, returning to the issue at hand.

"Two weeks. Actually, twelve days. That's really not that long."

Jude nodded, although he was thinking that, since Connor had come home, the longest they had gone without seeing one another was two days and one night. He couldn't compare a twelve day trip to Georgia with Connor's deployment, but Jude had a fear leftover from Connor's deployment. He feared that, when he sent Connor a text, he would not answer back. When he sent a Facebook message, it would take days or weeks to reply. He was terrified of going back to the time of handwritten letters that would take a vague amount of time to reach its recipient. He was scared that contact with Connor would be severed, and he would have to go back to endless days of waiting to hear from his friend, scared that the only message he would get would be one of death.

"It's not deployment," Connor assured him, as if reading Jude's thoughts. "The war isn't in America; it's moving through Uzbekistan, eventually to go through Kazakhstan and onto Russia, if it's doing anything. At least, that's the guess right now."

"You're going to have to call me every night."

"I wouldn't miss a phone call for the world."

"You leave on Thursday?"

"Yeah … but the sooner I leave, the sooner I get home, right?"

"Right," Jude sighed.

*Thursday*

Jude was getting a sense of déjà vu in the worst way. He and Connor were driving to the airport in the old truck. Connor parked in front of the airport and stopped the truck. Jude had to force himself to let go of Connor's hand and climb out, rounding around to the driver's side. He was taken back to almost four years ago – to one of the worst periods of his life.

"Don't worry about a thing," Connor kissed Jude's forehead. "You know it's not like that."

"It reminds me of that."

"Mmm," Connor mused, and then he stole a kiss from Jude. "I don't remember that being part of the scene last time."

"That part's an upgrade," Jude commented. "I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you too … and I'll call you, every night."

Jude leaned forward, curving his arms around Connor's waist. Connor looped one arm around Jude's shoulders, bringing the other hand up so that he could move Jude's chin, so that Jude's face was pointed toward Connor's, instead of being hidden away in his upper chest. Connor dropped his head, thoroughly kissing Jude. He gripped Jude's hips, as if Jude would fly away the moment he let go, although the truth was quite the opposite. The moment Connor let go, it was he that would have to fly away.

"I'd tell you that you're going to miss your flight, if there wasn't a selfish part of me that wants you to miss your flight."

"You're one of the most unselfish people I know," Connor murmured. "I love you."

"I love you too," Jude answered.

And then, once again, Jude stood alone by the truck and watched Connor walk away.

*Twelve*Days*Later*

Jude was at Callie's and Brandon's apartment. Brandon was at work. He worked as an instructor at a prestigious music institution, teaching piano, specializing in classical music, although he taught much more than just classical. Callie had to take maternity leave from her job. She had been working at a photography company, doing a partial internship with one of the photographers as well as working as a secretary within the company.

"You look like something is on your mind," she observed. "What's going on?"

"I got a job offer," Jude answered.

"Oh my … I didn't even know you were looking."

"I wasn't, but I guess my creative writing professor was talking about me and the guy liked what he heard and, so, I have a job offer. I just received the email this morning."

"What's the job?"

"It's a paid internship at a publishing company."

"That's really great. Are you going to take it?"

"I think so. I want to talk to Connor about it first, but I have until the end of next week to get back to him and Connor gets home tonight, so that's not a big deal. It's a paid internship – better than the minimum wage I'm currently living off – and it's twenty minutes from our apartment. There's no downside."

"That's a sweet offer," Callie stood up as David began to cry from his crib. "I'll be right back."

Jude stretched out in the armchair as Callie ran to her attend to her son. It was so strange to think that his sister had a son. He heard David's cries begin to subside and Callie headed into the kitchen, which Jude could see from the living room.

"You and Connor seem serious," Callie commented.

"You think?"

"I do think. I'm not saying serious in a bad way," Callie clarified. "It's more of a … where do you think it's going to go way?"

Jude paused, thinking it over. He had never thought of where he had wanted his relationship with Connor to end up. He had been more focused on enjoying being with Connor, on where they were in that exact moment, because he'd learned, during Connor's three year absence, that moments could be fleeting and every moment had to matter. Besides, Jude had all he wanted; he had Connor. Anything else, including detailed plans for the future, seemed inconsequential.

"I'm not sure," Jude answered his sister, who swept back into the living room.

"Do you want to feed him?" Callie asked, holding both her child and a bottle out of Jude.

Jude nodded, and, after settling the squirming David into a comfortable position, held the bottle to his lips.

"I'm really curious," Callie pressed. "Where do you think you and Connor are going to go?"

"I just love him," Jude said as an explanation. "And for now, that's enough for me. I think I'm always going to love him as much as I do now, if not more, so I want to be with him for a long time. I can't see into the future, and I'm not a mind reader, but I think he wants the same things I do."

"Ooh, Jude's in love," Callie laughed, although she had long known that. "Just tell Connor that if he hurts my little brother, I'll have to kill him."

"Isn't that traditionally a brother thing to say to a sister's boyfriend?"

"One, weirdly enough, my boyfriend is also my brother's brother – which sounds too incestuous, so I'm not going to repeat it. Two, I'm just looking out for my little sibling. Three, even if Brandon were to say it, I can kick butt better than he can."

"Haven't you both gotten your butts kicked?"

Callie playfully narrowed her eyes. "Never admit that in front of my child."

"Sorry David," Jude said to his nephew, though David was more than content with his bottle, and wasn't really listening to the two of them.

*Ten*Thirty*P.M.*

Connor and Jude were on the living room floor, one on each side of their little coffee table. They were indulging in a late night snack of burgers and fries. Connor was still sharing little details of his trip, and had just explained the reason he had visited.

"They want a poster child," Jude summed up.

"It's what's left of my pretty face that caught them," Connor joked.

"Okay, but I …" Jude hesitated, trying to figure out how to phrase his words without hurting Connor. "But … I mean …"

"Just spit it out, it's okay." Connor brushed his hand against Jude's. "I know that it can be hard to talk about. I won't hold any insensitivity against you."

But Jude didn't want to be insensitive.

"If they want to inspire people to go to war, why wouldn't they use a veteran who isn't … visibly injured?"

"Because anyone who isn't injured is fighting. There are too many battles, too little soldiers. I'm incredibly lucky, really, that I wasn't deemed fit to fight again, knowing how desperate they are for people to do so."

Jude felt lucky too.

"They picked me because I'm still, relatively, close to high school age, in comparison to a lot of people. And I'm one of the few that, after returning home, didn't abandon the military completely. And I'm still sane, which is a positive and I owe that to you."

"And four hours of therapy a week," Jude added, although he grinned at the compliment.

"And four hours of therapy a week," Connor repeated as confirmation. "So, they want me to tour around schools, hang out in the recruiter's office, go to events they hold ... Just things like that, you know?"

"My very own Captain America," Jude gushed. "When do you get your own commercial?"

"You're hilarious."

"I know." Jude laughed. "But, this won't be, like, a full time gig?"

"No, although beyond the military job, I'm taking the Jesus approach to life."

"Random jobs until you figure out what you want to do in college?" Jude guessed.

"Absolutely," Connor agreed. "What have you been doing this week?"

"Not a whole lot," Jude sighed, "Although …" and then he explained the unexpected job offer to Connor. "What do you think?"

"I think you should take it."

"I feel a 'but'."

"_But_, I want to make sure it doesn't interfere with what you want to do."

"It'll help, though, when I finish that, right?"

"Right." Connor agreed. "It's just … you're in university for creative writing. And you told me about this idea when we were sixteen. I just want to be sure that you see it through."

"I will. I … _am_."

"You are? Does that mean you started something?"

Jude nodded. "Want to see?"

"Yes, I want to see! How … why didn't you tell me you already started?"

"I dunno. It's still not very good," Jude explained, his voice rising as he walked to the bedroom, collected his laptop, and returned to the living room. "I'm afraid I'm not going to get it right, and this is important, so it _has_ to be right."

"I understand," Connor said. Jude sat on the couch and started the laptop. Connor bounced to sit beside him. "I guess."

"Are you mad I didn't tell you?"

"No."

"I have three chapters done." Jude revealed, opening up the word document that held his long-time dream; a book, one he had written himself.

"Are you sure it's okay if I look?"

"I want you to," Jude assured him.

Connor turned the laptop toward himself, looking at the word document that contained the beginning of Jude's novel. Jude had revealed his desire to write a novel, _this_ novel, when they were sixteen years old. He'd wanted to tell the story of his family, of how he had found his family. Connor was more than confident that Jude could do the story of his family justice. He had a talent with words, Jude did, and Connor had faith in him.

Connor kissed his cheek, and then he began to read the document titled _The Fosters._

**I don't own anything recognizable.**

**~TLL~**


	9. Chapter 9

*Four*Months*Later*

Jude typed away on the keyboard of his laptop. He had it resting on his knees as he lay in bed, trying to figure out what words to write next. He had been working diligently on his book, the one still entitled _The Fosters_. He knew that he'd said a lot, and that what he'd said had been decent – if not good – writing. He was nearing the end of his tale. He had written from the night Callie had been taken away from him, headed off to Juvenile Hall, to the day of David's birth. There hadn't been a lot of time between David's birth and now – there weren't many more words that he could say. Still, he felt as if there wasn't an end in sight. There wasn't anything to wrap up the book. There were no final words.

On Jude's side, Connor snorted and twisted, dragging the sheet – but miraculously not the comforter – from Jude's legs. Distracted, Jude glanced away from the laptop screen as Connor squirmed against his side, sliding in against it.

"Wha' time's it?" Connor mumbled against Jude's ribs.

Goosebumps erupted on Jude's side as Connor's breath tickled him. "Almost two."

"You need to go to sleep."

"I don't know how to end this. It just wants to keep going," Jude explained, frustration in his voice.

"That's because it hasn't ended yet. You've got decades of Adams-Foster chaos to look forward to. Weddings and more kids and all that nonsense. So, it makes sense that the book hasn't ended yet."

"So, what am I supposed to do? Should I just write this massive book for the rest of my life?"

"No," Connor told him, his voice slowly coming out of sleep the more he talked. "Pick a spot, end it, and write a sequel later."

"But –"

"And it's two in the morning, so, right now, I suggest you close the laptop and go to bed."

Jude watched as Connor's hand snaked up and shut the laptop. Sighing and admitting defeat for the night, Jude placed the laptop on the nightstand and then he flopped down in the bed. Connor pressed a kiss against Jude's hipbone and then he flipped onto his back, pulling Jude tightly against his side. Jude snuggled his head against Connor's shoulder.

"It's a book about your life. You're not going to get it wrong."

Jude rolled so that his arms were crossed on Connor's chest, and then he placed his chin on his own arms.

"It's not just _my _life, though. It's Callie's, Brandon's, Jesus', Mariana's, Stef's, and Lena's lives too. I mean, I want to do everyone in the book justice. I wrote about Wyatt; Lou; Mike; Liam, _everybody_ … I wrote about _you_."

"Well," Connor ran his hand down Jude's spine, "I trust you to do me justice."

Jude tilted forward to kiss Connor, and Connor held him. Jude cradled the edge of Connor's cheek in his hand, sliding his tongue across Connor's lips. Connor's hand dug into Jude's shoulder blade, his other hand sliding down Jude's side. Connor dipped his head to the side of Jude's neck, when Jude suddenly sat up.

"I heard something."

Connor groaned. "First I lose you to your book, and now you're getting distracted by imaginary noises. Captain America needs attention too."

"One, you haven't lost me to the book. Two, that noise wasn't imaginary. Three, I'm sorry, I don't mean to ignore you."

"So, don't ignore me now," Connor enticed, his fingers on Jude's thigh.

Feeling amazingly awake, Jude shifted so that he was on his knees, facing Connor who was still lying on his back. He slung one leg over to the other side of Connor, so that he was perched on the upper part of Connor's stomach.

"I'm still feeling ignored," Connor pouted.

Jude laughed, and then stopped. "I heard it again."

"No, you didn't."

"Shh, humour me for a second."

Connor fell silent. They both froze there, in the dark, and then the noise came.

"Did you hear that?" Jude demanded.

"Yeah, I heard it," Connor agreed. Jude slipped off him and Connor stood up. He went to the closet and cracked open his gun box, the one Jude hated was there but provided Connor with a sense of security. Jude hated guns, and he hated the image of Connor with a gun in his hands, although he knew Connor had done much worse than carry guns when he was overseas.

"Is it coming from inside the apartment?" Jude whispered, following Connor out of the bedroom.

"No, it just sounds like someone is strangling a cat. Better sorry than safe, though," Connor confessed. They stood at the end of the hallway, listening.

"Definitely from outside the door," Jude observed.

Connor went to the door, placing his eye against the peephole. The noise had become louder, but he couldn't see anything. He unlocked the door and opened it, looking around. It wasn't until he looked at his feet that he saw it.

"Oh my god," he breathed in a rush. He bent down and scooped up the swaddled infant that had been left in front of his apartment door. He held it against his chest, and turned to face Jude, who flicked on the kitchen light.

"Is that a baby?" Jude exclaimed. "Is that an actual baby?"

"An actual, crying, baby," Connor confirmed, looking down at the infant again. It was swaddled in pink, leading Connor to believe it was a she. "What are we going to do with her?"

"Call Moms?" Jude suggested immediately.

"Excellent suggestion," Connor agreed, and the baby shrieked even louder.

(-.-)

Stef and Lena made it to the apartment in less than forty minutes, including a stop at Callie's to pick up formula and diapers for the baby. They were ushered inside to the tune of a newborn's sobbing.

"Oh, baby," Lena cooed, heading immediately to Jude, who had taken over the task of trying to silence the infant. "May I?"

Gratefully, Jude handed the miniscule intruder over to his mother.

"I'll get her changed. One of you get formula. And then we'll talk." Lena said decisively.

Connor and Jude both obviously relaxed as Stef and Lena effortlessly took over. Stef bustled around the kitchen, heating a bottle. They could hear Lena talking to the baby girl down the hallway. They both sat at the kitchen table. It was only a few minutes before Lena and Stef both joined them, Lena feeding the girl.

"I found this wrapped in her blanket," Lena said, and placed a letter on the table.

Jude reached for it first, unfolding the paper so that he and Connor could both read the short note.

_Boys,_

_ You don't know me. I don't really know you either. But I know you both have good hearts, and I know you love one another. I can't love her but I think that you can. Please love her. She deserves it._

_ She was born on Friday the 5__th__ at 4:17 a.m. I call her Maia but she has no birth certificate. She also has no parents. Even if you do not want her, please find her a good home._

_S_

"S," Connor finished reading the note aloud to Stef and Lena.

"I don't know anyone pregnant," Jude said.

"Me either," Connor agreed.

"Well, it appears as if someone knows you," Stef rasped. "I doubt we're going to be able to find her birth parents, though."

"So, what happens to her?" Connor asked, but Jude knew.

She would go to the system. She would end up in foster care. That's exactly what Stef explained, saying that the baby girl would have to go to the hospital and be checked out; make sure that she was perfectly healthy, and then they would try to find her a home.

"She's a baby, though, a cute little girl. I'm sure she'll find a nice home quickly."

Jude looked at Maia, sleeping in Lena's arms. She _was_ cute. She had dark skin, several shades darker than Lena's, and there was already dark hair blooming from the top of her head. She had chubby little cheeks, and her entire body seemed to heave from the force of her breaths.

"But for tonight," Jude said, "what do we do with her?"

"In the morning, we'll take her to the hospital to get her checked. I've already made some calls. A social worker will meets us there. For the next few hours, though, Momma and I can take her if you want us to," Stef offered.

"It's late, why don't you guys just go in the spare room? There's no point in doing a lot of running around," Jude offered.

"I'd like that," Lena agreed through a yawn.

Connor and Jude took the couch cushions from the living room and transported them to the floor of the spare bedroom. They created a makeshift bed on the floor, piling more pillows around the cushions as buffers. Lena gently placed the little girl on the cushions, and then Connor and Jude returned to their room while Stef and Lena crawled into their temporary bed.

"Don't," Connor whispered as soon as Jude shut the bedroom door.

"Don't what?" Jude asked innocently.

"I know you and, Jude, we just … we can't."

"S wanted us to have her."

"We don't even know who S is."

"We could love her, Connor."

"I know we could love her, but what about all of the other things? What about the crib and the food and everything that babies need? You're still in university, I'm not doing a lot of productive things. And we're still young."

Jude sighed, sitting down on the edge of the bed, Connor sitting next to him.

"I just think we should think about it," Jude explained.

"Even if we thought about it, what makes you think we'd be allowed to keep her? An unknown birth mother dropping her off in front of our door isn't a legally binding contract or anything. It's not like we're registered foster parents. We're two guys living together, and you know as well as I do that there's still stigma attached to that."

"Stef and Lena adopted four kids."

"Yes, but lesbians are women and therefore seen as maternal. Two guys wanting a kid are going to be seen as pedophiles."

"Don't say that," Jude shook his head. "Maybe once upon a time, but things have changed. A lot of gay guys have adopted children."

"After jumping through a thousand hoops," Connor argued. He reached out, running his fingers along the length of Jude's arm. "It's late, we're both tired. Let's just sleep on it, okay?"

"Okay," Jude agreed, and let Connor pull him down against the mattress. "But I still think I want her."

"I think you need to be sure before we even talk about a kid."

Jude's face twisted as he thought. He and Connor had never really talked about the future, and four in the morning didn't seem like a good time to do so, but the opportunity was there, and so he had to ask. "Are you just saying that because you don't think we're going to stay together?"

"What? No. I told you my reasons. Our age, our finances, etc."

"So do you think we're going to stay together?"

"Yes," Connor said firmly, although he didn't expand upon his answer.

"I think we need to talk about it. I mean, we've basically gone a year without talking about it."

"And we choose four in the morning?"

"Please, Connor."

"No, no, you're right," in the dark, Connor reached out to take Jude's hand. "What do you want to talk about?"

"How long do you think there's going to be a you and me? Honestly."

"I think we're always going to be in each other's lives, Jude."

"You know what I mean." Jude squeezed his hand. "Like this."

"I can't answer that. I can't see into the future." Connor took a breath. "What do you see in the future?"

"I …" Jude could see how hard this question was. "I see you, really. I love you and I think it's the kind of love that's going to last; that's always going to matter. I see a lot of other things in my future too, but you're always there."

"That's how I feel," Connor revealed. "You're mine. I'm yours."

"Have you ever thought about more than you and me?"

"The baby," Connor sighed.

"Not necessarily _that_ baby but, you know, kids."

"So you want one, in the future?"

"You don't?"

"I … I don't know."

Jude could accept that. "Can we talk about _that_ baby for a second?"

"We can talk about whatever you want," Connor slid his thumb back and forth over the back of Jude's hand.

"I can see all the problems, you know. I can see where you're coming from, but it doesn't feel like you're trying to see where I'm coming from."

"Okay … Why don't you try again? I promise this time I'll be especially careful to listen to every word."

"It feels like she might have been given to us. I know it might sound crazy but I have to wonder if it's the same thing that brought Callie and I to Stef and Lena; the same thing that brought Jesus and Mariana there. What if we're supposed to love her Connor? What if she's meant to be our daughter? I don't want to send her away somewhere horrible. I spent far too long somewhere horrible and she doesn't deserve anything like it."

"Neither did you," Connor told him immediately. "And … that's lot of 'if's'."

"We have savings. I have my job at the publishing company, and my boss has basically said that, as soon as I graduate, I'm getting a promotion."

"It's not just the money."

"Tell me what it is, because I feel like there's something that you're not telling me," Jude pushed.

Connor was silent.

"Tell me," Jude pressed again.

"It's because I look like a monster. I look like Freddy freakin' Krueger. I'll give any kid that looks at me nightmares and I'm not putting anyone through having to live through my PTSD and freak outs and … I'm not fit to be a parent. I'm really not fit to be anything."

"Connor …" It was the first thing time that Jude had heard him say anything like that; had heard him admit how insecure he was about his looks and the psychological aftermath of war.

Connor pulled his hand out of Jude's and rolled to the other side of the bed. Jude rolled to his side and reached for Connor, but the other man flinched from his grasp.

"Don't."

Jude pulled away, onto his own side of the bed. He lay there, listening to Connor breathe, and wondering how he could patch Connor's broken seams back together, the ones the solider wasn't willing to admit he had.

**I don't own anything recognizable.**

**~TLL~**


	10. Chapter 10

Jude woke up alone. He spread his arms out, feeling how cold the sheets were. Connor had been gone for some time. Remembering all that Connor had said last night, remembering how Connor had shut himself off for the first time in Jude's memory, Jude immediately rocketed to his feet. He couldn't believe that he had let it go so easily, had just let the two of them drift off to sleep.

He headed into the living room, locating Connor. He was sitting on the loveseat, his back against one of the arms, his legs on the cushions. He had his knees drawn up, although they rested loosely against the back of the loveseat. He almost looked asleep, but his eyes cracked open at the sound of Jude's steps. He brought a finger to his lips, and then dropped one of his knees so that Jude could see that he was holding Maia. He then held out his hand to Jude.

Jude rounded to the side of the loveseat where Connor was sitting. He dropped to the floor, his back against the loveseat. He rested his head against Connor's hipbone, careful not to disturb Maia. He reached up his hand so that he was holding Connor's hand.

"Can we talk about last night?" Jude asked in a low voice.

"There's nothing to talk about," Connor answered.

Jude tilted his head so that he could see Connor's face. "Yeah, there is."

Connor closed his eyes again.

"You don't look like a monster."

"Don't lie to me. Even you spend more time looking at my normal side than my right side. If you can't look at me, I can't expect anyone else to either."

"If I do, it's not intentional. It's not because I think you're a monster or anything remotely like that."

"And it's not just my looks, either," Connor continued, ignoring what Jude had said. "I still wake up in the middle of the night, thinking of I'm somewhere I'm not. I'll walk down the street and I hear something and I immediately think that something's going to explode. It's hard to explain, Jude, but I'm not who I was. I'm so scared that there's going to be a night when I wake up and I think you're someone you're not and I hurt you. I don't want to drag someone else into that, especially not someone who wouldn't have any choice in the matter."

Jude rearranged himself, so that his position mimicked Connor's. He remained on the floor, the side of his body resting against the loveseat. He placed his head on Connor's thigh, his knees touching Connor's elbow.

"There's nothing wrong with you," Jude insisted. "You went through something hard and you're still dealing with it. There's no shame in that. You're doing your best. I know you wouldn't hurt me; I know you wouldn't hurt anyone else."

"But when I was over there …" Connor started, and then he let his words fade.

"It's … a different situation," Jude said delicately. "But I know you wouldn't hurt me, no matter what."

"No, you don't."

"Yeah, I do," Jude argued. "Why is it starting to feel like we've never talked about the important things? We didn't talk about the future before last night and we've never talked about these feelings."

"Maybe because I didn't want to talk about them," Connor retorted. "I don't want to be vulnerable."

"But it's okay to be. You know I'm here to listen to you; you know I'm here for you."

"I know."

"And you're fit for everything," Jude told him.

"Hmm?"

"Last night, you said you weren't fit to be anything, and that's not true either."

Connor finally opened his eyes, looking down at Jude. "Maybe you're right." Before Jude could say anything else, Connor had looked down at the baby in his arms. "She is kind of cute though."

"She is."

"She was up early this morning and I felt bad leaving her with your moms when she was dropped off at _our_ doorstep."

"I didn't hear her."

"Because when you fall asleep, you are impossible to wake up."

"That's not true."

"Sometimes it is." Connor smiled and then he sat up, moving slowly so there was little to no jostling on Maia's part. "Come sit up here."

Jude looked at the spot Connor had offered, the one on his unscarred side. He realized that it wasn't just him that paid more attention to the unblemished side; that found his eyes slipping over the scars to the more familiar. He wedged himself onto the other side of the loveseat, so that he was on Connor's injured side. He rested his head against Connor's shoulder, and looked down at Maia.

He ran his finger along the side of her small hand, lightly enough that he didn't disturb her.

"Connor," he whispered.

"Yeah." Except it wasn't a question; wasn't a simple, prompting reply. It was an answer.

"Yeah?" Jude repeated.

"Yeah," Connor confirmed.

And then they had a baby.

(-.-)

It took several weeks for Maia to officially come home to them; the process was made lengthier because Maia was not already in the system. There was a lot of paperwork for them to work though; a lot to prepare for in order to have a good place for her. They didn't have the months of preparation that most parents receive. But, in just under two weeks, Maia had everything waiting for her that parents who could plan ahead had for their children.

"There's just one thing left," Connor commented, as they stood in the spare bedroom turned nursery.

"What?" Jude replied, looking around the room. It seemed complete; with new paint, furniture, toys, books and clothes.

"Her name, as in, what do we want to go on the birth certificate."

"I like Maia; I want to keep that," Jude decided.

"Me too. What about her middle name?"

"Your mom?"

"Eh," Connor shrugged. "What about 'Callie'?"

"Mariana put a dibs out on Callie as a middle name."

"Seriously?" Connor laughed.

"Seriously."

"Either of your moms?"

"Maia Lena? Maia Stef … er, Maia Stefanie?" Jude named, and then he tried out, "Maia Mariana? … I don't know if it sounds right. It just … it doesn't flow the way that it should, if you know what I mean."

"Well, we'll think about that one. Now we just have to decide on her last name."

Jude frowned, glancing over his shoulder at Connor, who was sitting in the rocking chair Lena and Stef had given them.

"Why do we have to decide on her last name?"

"Jude, between the two of us we have three last names. Doesn't that seem like a lot?"

Jude toyed with the pink rabbit – a gift from Callie – that was sitting in Maia's crib.

"I don't want to cut Lena _or_ Stef's name. It wouldn't feel right." Jude answered. "But she's _our_ daughter, so I don't want her to not have your name."

Connor let out a loud breath. "Come on," he said, standing up and leaving the nursery.

"Where are you going?" Jude called, stepping out into the short hallway.

"Kitchen. I'm hungry."

Jude frowned. "You only know how to make breakfast."

"I'm not _cooking_. I'm ordering. Thai or pizza?"

"Chinese."

Connor glared and Jude smiled brightly.

"Spring rolls or egg rolls?" Connor caved, picking up the phone.

"Spring. Do you not know me at all?"

Connor took a step to the side, wrapping his arm around Jude's shoulders. "I know you perfectly."

Jude nestled his head into Connor's shoulder as Connor spoke on the phone. As soon as he was done, Jude said, "I think we should give her all three last names."

"Okay, but if we do that, she only gets one middle name. I know some people who have three middle names."

"Which is excessive no matter how many last names you have," Jude commented.

"That could also be said about last names," Connor pointed out, resting his forehead against Jude's. "I have an idea for her middle name though."

"What?"

Connor told him, and Jude felt his heart swell at the suggestion. _This _was why he had fallen in love with Connor, because he had a heart bigger than most and it was made of gold. He shifted so that his arms fell around Connor's waist, and hugged him tightly.

"Are you sure?" Jude asked him.

"Yeah, I think it's perfect. Don't you?"

"Yeah," Jude agreed, and then kissed him.

(-.-)

Jude held open the door to the Adams Foster home so that Connor, toting Maia in her car seat, could enter the house. It was a family dinner night and Maia's first official night with Connor and Jude. They were the first ones to arrive at the house, though Jude was sure that everyone else would be arriving shortly. No one but Moms had actually _met_ Maia yet, and Mariana had been delirious over the prospect of seeing her for the first time.

"Kitchen!" Stef called, at Jude's cry of 'hello'.

Connor followed behind Jude as they headed into the homey kitchen. As Lena grabbed Jude into a hug, Connor picked Maia up out of her car seat.

"Oh, she is so cute," Stef hummed, studying the baby. "What did you decide to name her?"

"We kept Maia," Connor answered.

"I do like it," Lena agreed. "She looks like a Maia."

"But what did you do for a full name?" Stef pressed.

Jude caught Lena's eye. "We decided on Maia Francesca Adams Foster Stevens."

Lena drew in a breath, her hand coming to cover her mouth. "Really?" She breathed.

"Really," Connor confirmed, as Lena took a new look at her granddaughter.

"It's a beautiful name," Stef commented, and she took a step closer to Connor, so that she could look at Maia.

"It's a bit of a mouthful," Connor admitted.

"It's _perfect_," Lena corrected. She took Maia's tiny hand in her own. "You've got a lot to live up to, little girl."

"She can do it," Stef announced, opening her arms as Connor passed her Maia. "Look at her, you can already tell she's strong."

"And she's going to have curls," Lena cooed, gently running her hand along Maia's hairline. The baby squirmed, but she didn't cry. "She's such a good girl."

"She is, as long as you're holding her. It's when you put her down that she gets fussy," Jude responded. "Is there anything I can do for supper?"

"No, don't worry about it, love. The casserole is already in the oven." Stef told him, "Just sit down and let us cuddle the baby."

"David needs to get here so we can each have one," Lena laughed.

As soon as she said it, the front door opened and a baby's screeching cry filled the house. Maia's plump lips deepened into a pout, her dark eyes closing tightly as if she were preparing to cry along with her older cousin. Stef began to sway Maia back and forth, talking to her so she didn't cry.

"Sorry, sorry," Callie exclaimed as she bustled into the kitchen, David over her shoulder.

"He's got a cold, so he's not very happy," Brandon explained.

"Oh, poor baby," Lena murmured. "Let me cuddle him anyway."

Callie's eyes landed on the little bundle that Stef was holding close to her. "I'll give you David if you let me see Maia."

Stef cuddled her closer. "But I want to keep her."

"But I haven't met her yet!" Callie argued, grinning as Stef relented. David was settled in Lena's arms, along with a soother provided by Brandon, and Maia was passed to Callie, who immediately began to talk to her new niece. "Hi, honey. I'm your aunt."

"We're not going to see her all night, are we?" Connor whispered in Jude's ear.

"Oh, just wait until Mariana gets here," Jude answered with a laugh, "We're not going to see her for the next week."

The front door opened and closed, but it was not Mariana; it was her twin brother. Jesus bounced into the kitchen.

"Ooh, is this the new one?" He asked, peeking over Callie's shoulder.

Connor chuckled. "That's the new one."

Jesus studied the child for a moment, then said to Lena, "Mom, she's got your hair."

Lena pretended to triumphantly pump her first. "Finally, a mini-me."

Stef pretended to pout. "Where's my mini-me?"

"Ask Mariana," Callie said immediately. "David may be an only child."

"Mariana's breaking the mold and getting married before she has the baby." Stef replied. "I don't know if I want to wait that long."

"Don't you dare look at me," Jesus shook his head. "I'm still child-phobic … At least for them to be mine."

"You know," Lena mused, "I think I'm okay with that."

The front door opened for the final time and Mariana dashed into the house, Zac trailing after her.

"Callie," she said, before she acknowledged any of her other family, "Hand over the baby."

Beside Jude, Connor laughed, and took his love's hand.

**I don't own anything recognizable.**

**~TLL~**


	11. Chapter 11

"She's sleeping," Jude announced to Connor.

"For real this time?" Connor croaked.

"Who knows?" Jude murmured. He dropped onto their shared bed heavily, immediately rolling onto his stomach, stretching his arms beneath his pillow.

Connor pulled Jude toward him, and they curled around one another, both exhausted. Maia didn't like to sleep. The only thing she really liked, was being held. During the night she would often wake up screaming because she was alone. Jude thought that if she came to bed with he and Connor, she'd be absolutely fine, but Connor refused to have Maia in bed with them. He was too afraid that he would hurt her during the night; that if she woke up screaming, the still foreign noise would make him panic in his semi-aware state, and he would hurt her. Jude knew that Connor's fears were valid and he didn't want to make Connor uncomfortable in any way, but it was exhausting getting up multiple times a night to pad across the hallway, calm her down, return to bed, and know that he was going to have to do it all over again in an hour.

He didn't blame Maia, for her cries though. She was an infant and she wanted her parents. He didn't blame Connor either. He was sure that all parents went through this; Callie and Brandon had both commented on the sleepless nights that followed David's birth. He was hoping that Maia would settle into sleeping through the nights – or even just sleeping. She didn't like to sleep and Jude thought that it had to do with the fact that she didn't like to be put down. All she wanted was to be held and cuddled.

Beside Jude, Connor had fallen back asleep. He snorted and twisted, so that he was sideways on the bed, his leg crossing the back of Jude's thighs. Jude slightly chuckled to himself as Connor twitched again, rolling so that his nose was against Jude's ribs. Jude let his hand fall across Connor's back and closed his eyes, trying to make himself fall asleep. There was no denying that he was tired, but he couldn't make himself drift off again. His thoughts kept spinning around in his head, over and over.

He thought about the past two weeks – how long Maia had been theirs. He thought about Connor and Maia, specifically. While Jude had loved her from the moment she'd been placed on their doorstep, he had often wondered if Connor loved her to the same calibre. He knew that Connor cared about her – wouldn't have said yes to the adoption if he didn't – but he wondered if Connor loved her like a father loved a daughter. Sometimes it worried him. He knew that they had made the right decision. It had only taken moments for him to realize that Maia belonged in their lives; the same feeling he was sure Lena and Stef had experienced when the twins, and then he and Callie, came to be in their house – it was _right._

But he was worried about Connor. He was worried about their relationship. Maybe it was wrong to worry; maybe this was how Connor was a father. People loved in different ways. He loved Connor differently than Connor loved him, but that didn't mean that he was any less in love with Connor than Connor was with him …

Jude groaned and flipped onto his back, dislodging Connor's leg. With an obnoxious huff, Connor spun around on the bed and nestled his head against Jude's chest. With another loud sigh, he grabbed Jude's arm and curled it around his own shoulder, making himself more comfortable.

"I thought you were asleep," Jude whispered.

"Ca' napping," Connor groaned. "But you 'ave to be up for mornin'."

"I just … can't stop thinking," Jude admitted.

"Think 'bout sleep," Connor suggested.

"I can't, I have too many things running through my head!" Jude exclaimed, although he yawned. He was tired; he just couldn't make his eyes close and stay that way.

"Jus' … let it go," Connor mumbled, slurring his words and yawning.

"Thanks Queen Elsa."

"Elsa … Cap'n 'Merica … you're gonna give me a complex."

"You're funny when you're sleepy," Jude chuckled.

"I'm funny _all_ tha time," Connor protested. "You jus' need ta appreciate me mo'."

"You are starting to sound drunk."

"Well, if you went ta sleep an' stopped keepin' me up with your thoughts …"

"I'm sorry," Jude apologized. "Just close your eyes. I'll tell my mind to shut up."

"Do you need to talk about it?" Connor asked, sounding a little more alert.

"Nah. It's just … dumb stuff."

"Dumb stuff?"

"Wait until the morning stuff," Jude corrected himself, hearing the concern in Connor's voice.

Connor went to reply, but got no further than the grunt of his first syllable when Maia began to wail. Jude immediately tossed the comforter off himself but Connor stopped him by throwing it back over him.

"I'm not kidding," Connor explained, "You have to be up in like, four hours. Sleep Jude, I'll get her."

Jude made a small noise of protest.

"Come on," Connor's hand slipped to his chest, gently holding him against the mattress. "I know you like to feel like you can do it all the time, but I can handle a crying infant. Really, I promise."

"Don't underestimate her," Jude teased as Connor kissed him.

And then Connor left the room.

Jude flipped onto his side. Instead of focusing on sleep, however, he made himself very quiet, listening to Connor enter their daughter's room.

"Hey, baby girl," Connor cooed. "What's got you up so late?"

As Connor talked, Jude found himself smiling. Any doubts he had that Connor didn't love Maia automatically vanished.

"That's it," Connor continued in a low voice. "Just close your eyes and back to sleep."

Maia, who'd be sniffling but silent, suddenly let out a bellowing cry.

"How about a song?" Connor asked her between attempts to shush her. "I used to like songs, you know. My mom always used to sing me this one."

Jude heard Connor clear his throat, and then began to sing softly to Maia.

"_Talk to me softly,_

_ "There's something in your eyes,_

_ "Don't hang your head in sorrow,_

_ "And please don't cry_

_ "I know how you feel inside,_

_ "I've been there before,_

_ "Something's changing inside you,_

_ "And don't you know,_

_ "Please don't cry, tonight,_

_ "I still love you, baby,_

_ "Don't you cry tonight,_

_ "Don't you cry tonight,_

_ "There's a heaven above you baby,_

_ "And don't you cry tonight."_

Jude was almost sorry as Connor stopped singing. Even a room away, Jude had been lulled by the gentle song, whispered in the voice Jude loved most. He dropped his head heavily into his pillow, listening intently as Connor said goodnight to Maia and resettled her in the crib. He heard the soft pads of Connor's feet as he returned to their bedroom, half crawling over Jude to return to his former spot on the bed. Jude rolled into him, even before Connor was completely settled.

"I thought I told you to sleep," Connor teased.

"Sing me the rest of the song and I might," Jude answered, knowing that Connor's song would undoubtedly knock him out. He found Connor's song very soothing, even if he didn't know what it was.

Connor cleared his throat, just as he had before, and picked up the song where he'd left off.

"_Give me a whisper,_

_ "And give me a sigh,_

_ "Give me a kiss_

_ "Before you, tell me goodbye,_

_ "Don't you take it so hard now,_

_ "And please don't take it so bad,_

_ "I'll still be thinking of you,_

_ "And the times we had, baby,_

_ "And don't you cry tonight,_

_ "Don't you cry tonight,_

_ "Don't you cry tonight,_

_ "There's a heaven above you, baby,_

_ "And don't you cry tonight."_

Jude was asleep. Connor ran his hands through Jude's shaggy hair, gently caressing him. Even though Jude wouldn't hear him if he sang the rest of the song, Connor was going to sing it anyway. It was the least he could offer, Connor knew, guiltily thinking of what he had yet to tell Jude … What would destroy his boyfriend, the day Connor mustered up the courage to tell him.

_ "And please remember,_

_ "That I never lied,_

_ "And please remember,_

_ "How I feel inside now, honey,_

_ "You gotta make it your own way,_

_ "But you'll be all right now sugar,_

_ "You'll feel better tomorrow,_

_ "Come the morning light now, baby_

_ "And don't you cry tonight,_

_ "And don't you cry tonight,_

_ "And don't you cry tonight,_

_ "There's a heaven above you baby._

_ "And don't you cry,_

_ "Don't you ever cry,_

_ "Don't you cry tonight,_

_ "Baby maybe someday,_

_ "Don't you cry,_

_ "Don't you ever cry,_

_ "Don't you cry,_

_ "Tonight."_

(-.-)

"Judicorn!" Mariana's vivacious voice bubbled over the phone. "I _know_ you're not calling to check up on me."

"Nope," Jude assured her, knowing that if there was one thing Mariana hated, it was being checked up on while she was babysitting.

"Good," Mariana purred. "So, what's up, buttercup?"

"I called to see what you were doing –"

"I thought this wasn't a check up call," his sister interrupted.

"Because I wanted to know if you wanted to keep her for another couple of hours."

"Oh, absolutely!" Mariana exclaimed. "Maia and I have been having so much fun. We've been shopping, and playing, and flirting."

"Mariana –" Jude laughed.

"I know, I know. But even at a month old, she still needs to learn how to flirt!" Mariana laughed. "And there was this six month old at the place we went for lunch … You need to watch out for her, she's already got a thing for older guys. If you're not careful, you're not going to be able to do anything with her by the time she's a teenager."

"I treasure your parenting advice, _truly_," Jude deadpanned.

"I know!" Mariana giggled. "So, what's up that you want me to keep her for a while? Not complaining, just curious."

"Just … alone time," Jude admitted, feeling a little embarrassed. Luckily, his sister immediately knew what he meant, and quickly agreed.

"I will keep little Maia as long as you want me to. Heads up, we're going to visit Callie, Brandon, and David for supper." Mariana let out a long sigh. "We need to come up with a cute little name to refer to them shorthand."

"What?" Jude asked, having lost her train of thought.

"Saying Callie, Brandon, David is a little exhausting, don't you think? We should just cleverly mush their names together to make something cute. You know, how Brad and Angelina are Brangelina. We could call them … Candon."

"That's still a mouthful."

"Uh, we could call them Brallie. Oh, that's cute. Yes, Maia and I will be off to visit Brallie and David for supper. Come and join us later, _Jonnor._"

It only took Jude a moment to figure out what she speaking of when she said 'Jonnor'. "Will both halves of Zariana be there?"

"I like the way you think," Mariana giggled. Behind her, he heard Maia cry. "Oops, guess she's awake. We'll talk later. Bye!"

"Bye!" Jude repeated, and then he hung up the phone.

He turned on the car, and backed out of his parking spot at the university. He hurried home, excited to spend some time with Connor, just the two of them. His boyfriend had seem distracted lately, become quiet and surly with no real explanation for it. Jude couldn't explain it and, try as he might, he just couldn't get Connor to open up. He didn't know what to think of Connor's new attitude, but he was hoping that Connor would talk to him, _really_ to him, this afternoon.

Jude parked in their apartment's designated spot and made his way to the place he called home. He let himself in quietly – he hadn't told Connor that he was coming home; he thought Jude was still on campus. He heard Connor talking, presumably on the phone, and paused in the doorway, not wanting to eavesdrop but not wanting to interrupt the conversation.

"Briggs, I can't … Stop saying I don't have a choice. It's my life, why wouldn't I have a choice? … I know, okay. I know … Please, Briggs. More time … _Briggs_, give me it and I promise I won't ask again … Yes, I really swear this time … Is that all?! … No, no, I'm sorry. Thank you, sir. Thank you."

Hearing the name 'Briggs', Jude's heart plummeted. Briggs was a higher in command, in the military. Briggs was the one who coordinated the comings and goings of the soldiers, as far as Jude could tell. And, from the conversation, Jude could guess what was about to happen. Jude rushed down the hall, needing to see Connor, needing to hear that his interpretation of the conversation had been wrong.

But when Jude reached the living room and caught sight of Connor's face, he knew that he hadn't interpreted the conversation incorrectly. He looked at Connor, who hadn't yet seen him, and could clearly view the pain and defeat on his face; could see the remnants of nightmares carved into Connor's scarred skin.

Jude let out a cry, because he knew that Connor was leaving again.

Connor was going back to war.

**The song is **_**Don't Cry**_** by **_**Guns 'N' Roses.**_** I don't own anything recognizable.**

**~TLL~**


	12. Chapter 12

Connor turned his head at the brief noise. He caught only the slightest flash of Jude – who was supposed to be on campus; who must have heard what he had said and had figured it out – before his best friend, the love of his life, had turned his back, disappearing to another corner of the apartment. Connor immediately followed him, calling out his name.

"Jude! Come here," he lengthened his steps so that he caught up with Jude in the middle of their short hallway. He looped his hand around Jude's, twisting Jude around so that he was facing Connor. Without a word, Connor wrapped his arms around Jude's waist, settling his cheek on the top of Jude's head. Whispering, Connor confessed, "You weren't mean to hear that."

Jude, who'd found himself relaxing into Connor's embrace, desperately trying not to give into the emotions overwhelming him, went stiff at Connor's words. He took a step out of his boyfriend's hold, staring up at him. "And when were you going to tell me? The way it sounded, you've known you were going back for a long time."

"Not … a long time," Connor managed.

"But, you knew?" Jude pressed.

"It was … mentioned to me a few weeks ago," Connor answered delicately.

"But, _how_?" Jude gasped, finally feeling the moment catch up to him. He felt loneliness begin to sink into his bones; an all-encompassing sadness that he couldn't feel anything past. "Your ear … and … and …"

Jude could feel it happening again. His words were getting trapped in his throat. He was unable to say everything that he wanted to; use his voice to express himself. He just stared at Connor, his face conveying all that he couldn't make himself say.

"They changed their standards. We're losing so badly, Jude, that they can't afford to cut people who want to fight now, because there's not a lot of people who want to fight left. There's rumours that there's talk of reinstating the draft … And, since I'm still a part of the military, I can't say no. Trust me, I've been trying. I've been trying so hard. That's why I didn't want to tell you because I thought that, with my doctor, I could make a good case for being left out of it but I just couldn't. Aw, Jude, I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

Jude saw Connor's eyes fill with tears, and that was the moment that he felt his heart shatter entirely. He fell forward into Connor's chest, unsure of who was holding who upright. They remained, as immovable as statues, rocking back and forth to the rhythm of their grief. Jude gripped his hands into the back of Connor's hips, while he felt Connor's fingers digging into the edges of his shoulder blades. Jude took one ragged gasp, and then another, as he felt the heave of his boyfriend's chest. It absolutely destroyed him when Connor cried, because he didn't often – he suffered the same impression that Callie and Stef did; that crying equalled weakness, and shouldn't be done.

Jude lifted one hand to the back of Connor's head, holding him as best as he could. He wished that he could say something, _anything_, that would make the situation better, but there were no words right now. There was nothing that could be said to take away the truth of their lives; that Connor would soon be leaving again. His absence had devastated Jude the last time he had gone, when they were only eighteen, when they were nothing more than best friends. Now, they were in love. Now, they had a daughter. Now, Jude couldn't imagine a night when he would go to bed without Connor next to him; when he would open his eyes in the morning and Connor's face wasn't the first thing he saw.

Jude felt his knees begin to give out, and he leaned against Connor.

"I'm sorry," Connor whispered again.

Jude ran his thumb against the back of Connor's neck, forcing out his words. "Not your fault."

"I'm sorry," Connor repeated, because that's what he needed Jude to know. He needed Jude to know that he had tried his best to stay, but his best had fallen short. He needed Jude to know that he had never intended to leave again. He needed Jude to know that he regretted not leaving the military completely when he had the chance, but he had never imagined going back overseas. He pressed his lips just above Jude's ear. "I love you."

"I love you too," Jude exclaimed, the words exploding out of his throat easily. And then he uttered the only question he didn't want to ask, "When?"

"Two weeks."

Two weeks.

Fourteen days.

Three hundred and thirty six hours.

Twenty thousand one hundred and sixty minutes.

One million two hundred nine thousand and six hundred seconds.

It wasn't enough. No matter how many different ways it was phrased, two weeks was not enough time. Not when there was a chance that two week was _it._ In two weeks, Connor would be on a plane, and only fate could say for sure if he was ever going to return to America under his own power, or if he would be shipped home in a black box to be laid to rest to the sounds of a three volley salute. There wasn't enough time in two weeks to fit in a lifetime of things that needed to be said, in case the worst scenario occurred and Connor was lost.

The thoughts threatened to drown Jude. The overwhelming fear that after two weeks, Connor would cease to exist would not be silenced. Even though his logical mind new that Connor wouldn't cease to exist, Jude just couldn't help but believe it. He remembered how spotty communication could be the last time Connor was overseas and, if things had only deteriorated for the U.S. since, it would only be worse this time around.

Jude brushed his palm across Connor's scarred face, down the side of his pitted neck, and he worried. He worried because he remembered the panic attacks, right after Connor had come home. There were still moments when, in the middle of a dream, Connor would wake with a wild shout, because he had forgotten where he was; he had forgotten that he was safe now. Being in combat had changed some part of Connor, and Jude didn't want to see war steal away all that made Connor who he was. He didn't want Connor to have to suffer through nightmares; he didn't want the love of his life to have to fear anything. He wanted to keep Connor home, safe from grenades and gunshots.

But he couldn't.

He couldn't keep Connor next to him. Maia was about to lose one of her dads, and she had no idea. Jude had no idea if she would ever get to know Connor outside of the stories that Jude would be sure to tell her; outside of random letters and shaky Skype calls. He prayed that she would. In that moment, Jude closed his eyes and prayed to the universe – to _anything_ that would listen – that their daughter would know Connor as her father and not as someone else's memory.

Jude sniffed, trying to hold back his tears. He didn't want to spend the next two weeks crying over Connor's upcoming departure. He wanted to make the next two weeks some of the best they'd ever had … although he'd had _a lot_ of great times with Connor. There had been so many moments over the years of knowing each other that Jude had just closed his eyes and thought: _this is it. This is _the_ greatest moment._ But he was never right … It always got better.

(-.-)

_ Jude was sweltering from the blanket wrapped around his shoulders, but rather than shake it off, he stayed underneath of it, knowing that it was bringing Connor comfort. Jude felt like he owed Connor whatever comfort he could provide at the moment, since he was the one who had triggered Connor's panic attack only a few minutes ago._

_ Stef and Lena had whisked away on a second honeymoon; Connor and Jude were house sitting for the week that they were gone. It was their first night staying over in the oddly empty Adams Foster house (no matter how many years had passed of Lena and Stef's home being an empty nest, Jude would never quite get used to the fact that the aging house was no longer brimming with his siblings). They'd decided to watch a movie. Connor was in the living room, trying to find something to watch and Jude was in the kitchen, fixing up snacks. He'd slid the popcorn bag into the microwave, never really thinking about the fact that the exploding kernels sounded like gunshots. Not until he heard a crashing noise from the living room._

_ And now, here they were. Connor's head was nestled in his lap as they curled on the couch, under blankets, with all of the lights out. The TV was set on a music channel, so there was nothing but audio and a black screen, although the screen provided just enough light that they could see one another. After what seemed like an eternity of gentle touches and not a lot of verbal exchanges, Connor sat up, allowing the blanket he'd been using as a support tool to fall away from him._

_ "You okay?" Jude asked, even though he wasn't sure if it was the right thing he should be asking._

_ Distractedly, Connor rubbed at the burnt side of his face. "I'm all right … I'm just, sorry. I didn't mean to react like that."_

_ "It's okay. You never have to apologize for anything like that," Jude explained, as he did whenever something happened. Connor was insecure about his sometimes intense reactions to everyday things. Jude couldn't blame Connor for his reactions. Connor had gone through something horrible, more horrible than Jude could imagine, and he couldn't expect Connor to be all right in an instant. He _didn't_ expect Connor to be perfectly all right, but sometimes it felt as if Connor had that expectation of himself._

_ Connor once again touched his scarred face, and then he dragged his hand upward, over his shaved head. He didn't say another word about it; he often didn't like to talk about his panic attacks and nightmares, and Jude didn't want to press him in case he made it worse. When Connor felt like opening up, he did._

_ But this wasn't one of those moments of opening up. Instead, Connor tilted his head so that it was his uninjured ear pointing toward the T.V. He smiled when he heard the song and stood up in one fluid motion, offering his hand to Jude._

_ Jude looked at the hand and grinned, despite himself. "Are you really asking me to dance?"_

_ "Absolutely! This is a great song."_

_ Jude took Connor's hand and stood up as well. Connor confidently put one of his own hands on Jude's waist and then promptly snatched up Jude's remaining free hand, jerking and spinning him around in a ditzy version of the tango._

_ Jude loved every moment of it, no matter how cheesy a dance scene could come off as. Connor was often cheesy and cliché when they were alone, saying things that, if Jude had heard them in a movie or read them in a book, would have seemed awkward and dumb. But it never seemed like that when Connor said it. When Connor would blurt out well-know, sometimes sleazy pick-up lines, without any notice or prompting, it only made Jude's heart swell. When he said heartwarming things that were found in any romance films worth their salt, it always felt brand new. Jude loved when Connor did things like that, because it really made Jude aware of how much Connor opened up to him. He knew that Connor's father, Adam, treasured masculinity; that Adam had an idea in his head of how a man should act and expected his son to adhere to those ideas in full. Being romantic, dancing a silly dance in the living room, showing any sign of love at all, really, wasn't supported by Connor's father. Ever since Jude had known Connor, he'd also known that Connor was supposed to be the ideal image of manhood that Adam had locked in his brain._

_ So Jude treasured the moments that Connor would drop the pretense that he still kept up in most public situations, because it made Jude feel absolutely loved that Connor didn't hold up any walls around him._

_ Jude let out a gasp as Connor unexpectedly tipped him backward, catching him in a ridiculous dip. When Connor allowed Jude to straighten up, Jude was breathless and laughing. He caught one arm around Connor._

_ "Your turn!" Jude explained. He saw Connor's look of doubt – inches taller and pounds heavier, Connor wondered if Jude could hold him._

_ "I'm suing if I end up crashing into the coffee table," Connor jokingly warned, but Jude just rolled his eyes._

_ Just because he was smaller than Connor didn't mean that he was inherently weak. He executed the dip, just as Connor had moments ago, successfully bringing Connor back to a standing position in one piece._

(-.-)

It was that moment that Jude thought about now, clutching Connor in the hallway with tears running down both their faces. It was that moment of trust, of faith.

Because it was faith that Jude needed the most now.

**I don't own anything recognizable.**

**~TLL~**


	13. Chapter 13

It was the ringing of a cell phone that finally prompted them to move. Keeping their hands locked, Jude pulled Connor down the hall and to the front door, where his sweatshirt was hanging on a hook nearby, his cell phone obnoxiously beckoning from the front pocket. He pulled out the ringing device, and saw that it was a call from Stef. He swiped the front screen to answer it, and lifted the electronic to his ear.

"Hi, Mom," Jude greeted, his voice tremoring.

"Love, are you all right?" The ever-observant Stef picked up on the sadness in his voice immediately.

"I … yeah," Jude dismissed. He couldn't say it. He just _couldn't._

"Jude," Stef pressed, her voice gentle and soft. "Are you sure?"

He felt Connor's hand wrap around his waist; Connor's chin drop onto his shoulder.

"Fine," Jude reiterated.

"Well, I was calling to see if you were coming over to Callie and Brandon's –" Stef paused as, in the background, Mariana shouted _'Brallie, Mom!'. _Stef sighed and then, for Mariana's benefit, rephrased. "If you were coming over to _Brallie's_ house for supper. It's been an impromptu gathering, really, but the gang is all here, except for you and Connor."

_"Jonnor!"_ Mariana corrected loudly.

"Mariana, this is a little ridiculous," Stef explained, her voice becoming muffled to Jude as she turned her head toward her daughter.

"It's _cute_," Mariana stressed. "So, is Jonnor on their way?"

"Connor," Jude asked, "Do you want to go to Callie and Brandon's?"

Connor nodded, the point of his chin digging into Jude's skin, but he didn't mind.

"Yeah, Mom. We'll leave the apartment in a minute."

"Are you sure you're okay?" Stef asked once more before they hung up the phone. "You don't sound yourself."

"Later." Jude finally admitted something was wrong. "Later, okay?"

"Okay," Stef accepted. "See you soon."

(-.-)

True to Adams Foster form, there were a hundred different things going on in Brandon and Callie's home, providing Jude with a sense of delicious, comforting, familiar chaos. He could hear Mariana singing somewhere in another room – a misguided off-tune lullaby that let Jude know that she either had one or both babies with her. He could also hear the high-pitched, sweet giggle unique to Jesus' girlfriend, Bianca. There were other things that Jude could hear – his mothers' voices, the static of a radio, the slap of bare feet against a tile floor – as he moved further inward, searching for someone.

He ran into Lena first, crossing from the living room to the kitchen.

"Hey, honey!" She cried, although she was speaking to both boys. "Glad you're finally here!"

She beamed at them, but noticed that there was something off about the two of them.

"Hey, Lena," Connor returned. "Where's Maia?"

"Mariana took her to David's room to change her," Lena explained, giving Jude a confused look as Connor hustled off after his daughter. She peered at her youngest son, reaching for his hand. "Mom said you were off on the phone," Lena prompted in a hushed voice, "Do you need to talk about something?"

"Connor," Jude began, but his mouth went dry and his voice broke. The only explanation he could offer was, "They called him back."

Lena though, knew immediately what he meant. She hugged him tightly, feeling Jude curl around him. "Oh, honey. Oh honey," she chanted, because she didn't know what else to say.

"Two weeks," Jude whispered, knowing that internally she was asking.

Lena ran one hand down the back of his head, comforting him with a pet. She felt shocked and breathless, thinking of all that this news meant. She remembered the night Connor had left the first time. She recalled how Jude had collapsed into her and Stef, crying, until they had finally figured out what had the silent boy so distraught. It had been an endless night for them, Jude anxious and unsettled as he was no doubt contemplating the future. It had gotten progressively worse as Connor's absence lengthened. Lena could remember, with painful clarity, when all contact with Connor had been lost. Now she knew that the young boy had been in the hospital recuperating; had come so close to death, like they had all feared that she was.

Lena didn't want to imagine how painful Connor's departure would be this time. She could already feel the ripping of hearts as that very departure began to loom.

There was the sound of footsteps as someone stumbled across the scene of mother cradling son.

"Mom? Jude?" Jesus started. "Is something going on …?"

Jude squeezed his eyes shut. He'd said it once. He couldn't say it again. And Lena stayed silent, knowing that it was not her news to give.

"Really?" Jesus prompted, his concern for his family bubbling into his voice. "Is everyone okay?"

Jesus whipped around as he heard a tired sigh come from behind him. Connor was standing there, Maia cradled against his broad shoulder.

"Can everyone come to the living room?" Connor requested.

The small party went to the living room, which Jesus had just vacated. Mariana, having found herself devoid of her niece, had headed straight to the living room for her nephew – a concerned Zac trailing behind her. He hoped that his fiancée wasn't catching baby fever, although she was showing signs of it. Callie, Brandon, Stef, and Bianca – Jesus' girlfriend – were already there, and looked up expectantly as the rest of the family joined them.

"Jude! Connor!" Callie grinned. "I didn't even hear you guys come in!"

Stef looked up, concern already on her face. She knew something was wrong, although she hadn't any idea what that something could be.

But it was Bianca who asked the fatal question. "Is everything all right?"

She was the newest addition to the Adams Foster clan, and she had known everyone the least amount of time. But that didn't mean that she hadn't been twined into their hearts already, or that she didn't fully love them back. She adored the large, eclectic family with more love than they knew what to do with and she hated to see any of them upset. Jesus had told her all about their lives – every struggle, every triumphant, every heartbreak, and every joy – and she wanted to see them all succeed. Bianca loved the ragtag family as much as she would if it were her own.

"I …" Connor started, and he swallowed. He allowed his gaze to bounce to every face, every unique beloved face. He placed his hand, so large against his small daughter's back, and felt the rise and fall of her sleeping breaths. "In two weeks I'm going back overseas."

Mariana cried before she even processed why. She just cried, feeling heartache take root deep in her bones. And, when the truth finally began to blossom in her mind, her weeping became all the more frantic. Zac, feeling blank, placed his arm around her shoulders. Since reuniting with Mariana, and reconnecting with the larger than ever Adams Foster clan, he'd found a kinship in Connor; he now counted the younger man as one of his greatest friends. He didn't know Connor the last time the solider had gone to war, but – as a doctor – Zac was more than aware of the consequences that war had brought to his new friend, and he didn't want to see him go through it again.

Brandon picked up David upon hearing the news. As a father with his own young child, he didn't know what he would do if something were to crop up, taking him away from his child. What would it be like, for Connor, to be hundreds of thousands of miles away, not there to experience the joy of his daughter? Brandon's heart bled for Connor; for the man that, because of his love for Jude, Brandon counted as a brother.

Callie launched out of her seat. Lena was still standing with the boys, her arms outstretched so that she had one arm around each shoulder. Callie wrapped her arms around Connor's and Jude's waists. She couldn't believe it; didn't want to believe it. Connor and Jude were so young, so in love. Their daughter, little Maia, had just entered their life. Surely the universe couldn't separate the tiny family; surely it wouldn't … But it was.

Callie's movement initiated a group hug, Connor and Jude at the center of it. Jesus wrapped one arm around Connor's shoulder, his limb lying right underneath of his mother's. _This can't be happening_, he thought. The past few years had been unimaginably good for all members of the family. Everyone had gone through personal battles in the past but these past few years … They had all been wonderful. There had been engagements; children. Jesus had gone back to school, finally becoming the person he knew that he was always meant to be. There wasn't supposed to be a separation. Not now, not like this. Not when the worst case scenario might be the only scenario, if the newspaper headlines were anything to judge by.

Stef sidled her way through the knot of children to the very heart of things. She ended up tucked under Jude's arm, sliding her arm across as far as it would go, grazing Maia's foot. She drew in a deep breath, trying to settle herself. Her immediate reaction was to search for something to fix this. She wanted to draw all of the pain out of her family members. She wanted to work some kind of magic to keep Connor home. But Stef knew better. She knew that she could not correct the pain. She knew that Connor was going to go, and any meddling on her part might do more harm than good. She knew that she needed to be here with her family. She needed to be the pillar of support that she always strove to be. Her babies needed her and she would not let them fall.

Jude pressed himself tightly against Connor's side, feeling the thriving energy of all of his loved ones being in the same room. This was his family. This was his web of rambunctious, moody, off-the-walls family. He loved every heart beating in this room. They had brought so much to his life – his four siblings and his two mothers that had expanded into a nephew, a boyfriend, a daughter, and in-laws. They were a web of a family, but Jude, caught in the middle of it all, closed his eyes and thought of the first time he'd felt like he, Connor, and Maia were officially a family.

(-.-)

_ Jude just couldn't stop staring at her. He couldn't help it. Maia was so sweet; so little. She was sleeping – it being well past eight o'clock – and Jude couldn't bring himself to budge from the foot of her crib. He loved the thick hair that she was already sprouting – curly and animated, reminding Jude of Lena's untamed mane, despite their lack of biological relation. He loved her skin tone; so dark that sometimes Jude would sweat that she could blend perfectly with the night because both she and the night were so utterly beautiful. He loved how pale her lips were in comparison._

_ He felt as if he could talk for hours about what he loved about her, and that was just about her physical appearance. He could talk for longer about her brimming personality, apparent even though she was still so young._

_ Jude didn't turn at the soft thud of footsteps, signalling Connor's arrival to the room. He felt Connor's arm encircle his waist and Connor leaned against him._

_ "Question," Connor whispered, so as not to wake Maia. They could have gone elsewhere to have their conversation, but neither of them wanted to stop admiring her and her peaceful sleep._

_ "Maybe answer," Jude replied._

_ "My dad, he keeps talking about how we, _I_, can't possibly love her like a daughter because she's not really my daughter, but she is, isn't she? She's mine, whether she's biologically connected to me or not." _

_The stuttered question was born of insecurity. Jude was sure that it was brought on by Adam entirely. He was positive that Connor already knew the answer to the questions he was asking, but that he needed validation. He needed to know that he was right. Jude brought his hand upward to twist around Connor's fingers. He knew how Connor felt, although he was sure that Stef and Lena could better connect to the exact situation. It was a feeling that every foster child, every adopted child, felt an inkling of at least once in their lives. Jude knew that he had felt it, when he had first arrived in Stef and Lena's home and found himself thinking that it was a nice home, and that he might just want to stay there. He knew that his siblings, particularly Jesus and Mariana, what with their chaotic relationship with Ana, felt the same feeling he had. But in the end, it all came down to one factor: love. DNA didn't make a family, love did._

_ And that's exactly what he told Connor, reaffirming that Adam Stevens wasn't correct; that biological connection did not a family make._

_ "It's like Stef and Lena said," Jude murmured. "We didn't give her the gift of life; life gave us the gift of her."_

_ At the moment, Maia jerked awake with a squall. Connor scooped her out of the crib first, and at the first contact, Maia settled slightly. Jude watched the exchange and then slid himself under Connor's arm, so he could embrace both his daughter and his boyfriend._

_ Before this moment, Jude knew that he loved Maia, just as he knew he loved Connor. He knew that Connor loved the little girl in his arms, as surely as he loved Jude. And he knew that, even if Maia couldn't say so yet, she loved them too. But it was this moment, standing in the new nursery, bathed in the light from a butterfly nightlight, that Jude felt that sense of _family_ settle into every fiber of his being. This was his own little family and it was everything that Jude could have ever wanted. _

**I don't own anything recognizable.**

**~TLL~**


	14. Chapter 14

*Thirteen*Days*Until*Deployment*

"Connor!"

Jude stood in the doorway of the little house, Maia against his shoulder as the older woman rushed down the hallway of her home, grabbing tightly onto her son. Jude loved April, as if she were another mom to him, and met her eyes as she peeked over Connor's shoulder at him. He fully understood the look of pain in her eyes; the panicked expression that clearly read '_not again, I can't live through this again'_. She knew, likely better than Jude, just how close they had been to losing Connor the last time. She had been there, when he had been in a coma, feeling death creep in on her son.

Maia wailed, as if she were picking up on her father's dark thoughts. Soothingly, Jude rocked her, just as April swayed against her own child. She messily pressed a kiss to the side of his neck, and Jude tried not to notice the tears that were clinging to her eyelashes, even though it made his heart ache in a whole new way. It made him hurt, on the inside and the outside. He pressed his cheek against the top of Maia's tender head.

April peeked at him again, and gestured him forward. She drew him and Maia into the hug, pressing them altogether. Tall and willowy, April had to be one of the toughest women that Jude knew. Once a wild-haired, sassy, leather-clad punk, now a woman embracing retirement and a five a.m. hiking group, April was a force of nature. It was brutal, then, to see her break down in tears, knowing what they all did: no matter how strong you were, no matter how determined you were, you could not alter fate.

(-.-)

_ Jude shuffled nervously into Connor's mother's house. He'd never really been uncomfortable in April's home. Even from the first time he met her, he'd liked her. Sometimes she reminded him of Stef (even though he knew Stef would never be quite so … unfiltered). And he knew that April loved him in return, treating him just as well as she treated Connor when he was in the home. Even so, he felt a little jittery._

_ This was the first time that he'd be seeing April since he and Connor had begun dating. Connor had assured Jude, several times, that April was ecstatic; that she really didn't care that Connor had fallen in love with another boy, she was just happy that he was in love._

_ He followed Connor down the narrow front hall, like had had so many times before, traipsing along the shag carpeting that April wildly preferred to hardwood flooring. They rounded into the kitchen, where April was baking and listening to a record that was playing in the middle of the island._

_ "What are you making, Mom?" Connor asked, before anything else could be said._

_ Jude remained quiet, sliding into one of the stools at the island. April didn't notice Jude's lack of greeting strange or rude. Except for maybe five times when the boys had been about thirteen, April had never heard Jude speak._

_ "I'm making a lemon cake," April explained. She handed the empty batter bowl to her son and slid the pan into the oven. "I know you love that part."_

_ "Which is why you're the best," Connor joked, sliding onto the stool beside Jude._

_ April turned around, and Jude felt his heart leap into his chest and then promptly stop beating. Jude was secure in his sexuality. He was becoming more secure in his budding relationship with Connor. And he knew that April liked him. But it was so vital to Jude that April approve. It was one of the most important things to Jude, in this moment, because he knew that being liked as Connor's best friend didn't mean that he would be liked as Connor's boyfriend._

_ But he shouldn't have doubted April. Not for one moment._

_ She took the seat on the other side of Jude, leaning against him and cuddling him. "Don't look so scared of me!" She joked, reading Jude like a book. "You know you're just as much my son as he is."_

_ She then kissed Jude on the cheek, and that was that._

*Twelve*Days*Until*Deployment*

Jude jumped on the phone the moment it began to vibrate. "Connor, how did it go?"

"Uh, fine," Connor said slowly.

Jude paused, gently stating, "You don't _sound_ fine. You sound like you've been crying."

"No. Well, it's … it's been strange," Connor revealed, his voice dropping as if he were afraid to be overheard.

"In a bad way?" Jude guessed, as the 'bad way' was his worst fear for this meeting of Connor's, although it was the only way that Jude was expecting it to go.

"No, and that's the thing," Connor's voice soared with tentative hope. "It's going in the good way. Dad, he's never said anything like that to me before. He's never even _hinted_ that he might be proud of me, like what I do might really matter to him. When I joined the military, he just went along with it like it was something that was expected of me. He barely told me he'd miss me when I left and in the hospital … it was just a mess. And then, when I came home, he distanced himself from me because …"

"Because you're in love with me," Jude finished, because Connor never liked to admit how little stock Adam put in his son's relationship.

"Right. And then, once we had Maia, he never really gave us … validation as a family."

Jude knew that; it had hurt him as much as it had hurt Connor, to know that Maia's grandfather didn't consider her a granddaughter. He could still hear Adam's voice, ringing over speaker phone into the living room, "_It's not like you got a girl pregnant, Connor. It's not like it has any connection to you. It's not like it matters, any part of it. When you grow up, when you have a real life and a real family, a _wife _and children that are _yours_, then I'll let you call me up and tell me I'm a grandfather."_ And knowing that Adam had said that, and had likely said worse that Jude hadn't heard, made it hard to think about it Adam in any kind of positive light. But, as Jude tried his best to look for the best in people, and because he wanted to believe in optimism and change in people, if Connor sounded hopeful about Adam, Jude could be hopeful too.

"So, what did he say?" Jude finally asked.

"He said he's sorry. He said he wants to change his ways because the people I love are the people that he should love. He said he's been closed off and awful. Jude, he admitted all of that … I want to believe him so bad."

"So, believe him," Jude encouraged.

"What if he's seeing it because of the wrong reasons?" Connor asked.

"What would the wrong reasons be?"

"What if I don't come back? What if that's why he's saying this? Because he thinks that he's never going to see me again after these two weeks are over, and it's fear motivating him, not a legitimate change of heart."

Jude felt his heart skip a beat at Connor's words: _what if I don't come back? _He hadn't allowed himself to think about it; had forced himself into a steadfast optimism, but by Connor's tone, he had clearly been thinking about it a lot. But it wasn't time to talk about that now. It was time to talk about Adam.

"A legitimate change of heart could come from those reasons," Jude pointed out. "It might have put things in perspective for him."

"I … guess."

"But?"

"If … if I don't, I want so badly to know that my family – every single part of it; you, Maia, Mom, Dad – can be a family without me."

"We won't be without you," Jude blurted out, nearly cutting off Connor. "We won't."

"Okay," Connor agreed, thought his voice lacked confidence. "Look, Dad, he wanted to know if you'd come over with Maia."

"Do you want us to?" Jude clarified.

"Yeah, but I know how he's treated you, so you don't have to."

Jude held his tongue, refraining from pointing out how Adam had treated Connor. He knew that family was a tricky operation, and that a person couldn't always control themselves when it came to family. Emotions were strange; and love was the strangest emotion of all.

"If it's what you want, it's what I want," Jude assured him. "We'll be over as soon as I get Maia dressed."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

Jude hung up the phone, reaching for his daughter, who had been lying next to him on the couch, happily gnawing on the ear of her pink rabbit. He scooped her up, carrying her off to her room.

"We're going to see your Grandpa Adam," Jude explained to her, resting her on her change table. "I know you haven't seen him much, but that might change. What do you think of that?"

Maia made an unintelligible noise around her rabbit.

"You want to know more about him?" Jude pulled the question out of thin air, acting as if the one-month-old had actually requested a story about Adam. "Hmm. I'm not going to lie to you, Grandpa Adam hasn't always been nice, but you know what's good about people? They're not just one thing – they are a lot of different things, and those things change and evolve over time. So maybe it's time for Grandpa Adam to change for the better."

Maia stared up at him. She had asked for a story about Grandpa Adam. She had barely spent any time with Connor's father, seeing him only once since she had become their daughter, and it had gone less than stellar, to say the least. As Jude and Maia prepared to leave the house, it was that day that he told her about.

(-.-)

_ Coffee. It was a seemingly innocent word. A word used to describe a meeting that was supposed to be brief, as well as the beverage that would be consumed during that brief meeting. It was not, generally, a word that brought on anxiety; but that's exactly what it was doing to Jude._

_ He, Connor, and Maia were on their way to meet with Adam to introduce him to the little girl that had officially been brought home only the night before. Both Jude and Connor were tired and they were both still processing the fact that they now had a _daughter_, but they also both knew it was a miracle Adam had agreed to meet them at all. Connor, though he never actually said it aloud, was still looking for his father's approval. Though Adam still regularly saw Connor, he only tolerated seeing Jude every few months or so, and only if Jude and Connor didn't so much as brush shoulders in his presence._

_ They arrived at the little café on time – Connor wouldn't dare be late for Adam, who, as per usual, had beaten them there. Jude parked next to Adam's car._

_ "Do you want to take her or do you want me to?" Jude asked as Maia began to cry. She was fine when the car was moving, but once it stopped, she immediately wanted to be in someone's arms. What Maia wanted out of life was to be cuddled, something that Jude and Connor were more than happy to do._

_ "Why don't you," Connor suggested, his voice giving away just how nervous he was._

_ Agreeing, Jude collected Maia and her car seat from the car before taking Connor's hand and following him into the café. Once through the doors, he dropped Connor's hand, as was his habit. It wasn't as if he was embarrassed to hold Connor's hand; he would show off to the world that he was Connor's and that Connor was his. It was because of Adam. Neither Jude nor Connor could handle the look that Adam gave the two of them whenever they displayed that they were in a relationship._

_Slowly, hesitantly, they walked to the table that Adam was already seated at, sipping brown liquid from a white porcelain cup. Adam stood when he saw the little family, but he made no move to embrace them._

_"Good afternoon," he greeted._

_"Hey, Dad," Connor answered._

_"Good afternoon," Jude echoed, and Maia whined. Jude gently placed her car seat on the floor before crouching down, undoing the safety straps, and picking her up. He kept her face pointed into his chest, her little green hood hiding her face from Adam._

_Jude thought he saw a flash of curiosity race across Adam's face, and it gave Jude a little bit of hope. If Adam was curious it meant that he cared, even if it was only a little bit._

_But, Adam didn't inquire after his new granddaughter. Instead, he gestured for them all to sit. Casual conversation was delayed as a barista came over to take drink orders. She returned back to the table before they had time to say anything beyond a few stuttered words of how unnaturally warm this winter had been. Now that Jude and Connor had their drinks; now that there was no choice of being interrupted, Connor found the opportunity to ask his father, "Do you want to see Maia?"_

_Adam didn't respond immediately. Instead he sighed and took a sip of his coffee. He cleared his throat, and then he focused on the warm, snoring bundle that Jude was cradling impossibly close to his chest._

_"Perhaps," Adam suggested, "You could just turn her around, Jude. I don't want to wake her, and I'm not that great with children, anyway."_

_Jude could recognize that Adam was making an excuse, but he could appreciate that within his excuse not to have to hold her, he was compromising. He could have denied that he wanted to see her at all, saying that she didn't quite matter to him, but he didn't. It gave Jude a strange sense of hope, for Connor. Jude doubted he would ever truly like Adam, but he still wanted all of their relationships with Adam to improve._

_Jude gently turned Maia around, so that she was facing out into the cafe, though her dark eyes were hidden behind her closed eyelids. Instead of staring down at his daughter, as Jude always found himself doing, he instead studied Adam's reaction to her._

_Adam didn't offer much of a reaction, however. His face remained utterly unmoved as his eyes swept over Maia's infant face. It was so different than how the Adams-Fosters had reacted; even Jesus, the most child-phobic, had loved her, had wanted to hold her, had attempted to play with her, although she wasn't really interested in anything but sleeping and eating. Adam stared at her as if she was a stranger; someone with no connection to him, not as if she were the daughter of his son._

_Jude and Connor exchanged a look, wondering what Adam would say, if he would even say anything. Connor was scared that he wouldn't; Jude was scared that he would._

_Adam shrugged. "It's a baby. A baby that should have ended up somewhere else."_

_"She's our daughter," Connor snapped._

_"Except she's not," Adam corrected, staying eerily calm as Connor became increasingly angry. "She was dropped off on your doorstep. She's not even the right colour."_

_Connor opened his mouth, but Jude reached his arm out, his hand falling on Connor's clenched forearm._

_"We should just go," Jude said in a low voice, "We can't make him see how much we love her; can't make him see why if he doesn't want to."_

_Connor took a long breath. "I'll meet you outside, okay?"_

_Jude hesitated, before agreeing. "Okay."_

_He walked out without saying another word to Adam._

_(-.-)_

Jude approached Adam's house nervously - both Connor and his father were standing on the doorstep. When Jude reached them, Connor stretched his hands out to take Maia. Jude passed her over, and then Connor opened the front door. Jude went to follow his boyfriend inside, but Adam reached a hand across the doorway.

"I'd like to speak to you in private, if that's okay with you," Adam requested.

"Sure," Jude agreed, as Connor slowly closed the front door. "What would you like to talk about?"

Adam was silent, as was his habit, and then he looked to Jude, who was shocked to see that tears were beginning to form in the aging man's eyes.

"People are supposed to be foolish in their youth. When you get to be my age, even before my age, you are not supposed to be an idiot. But I've been an idiot. I've been worse than that, and you have suffered the brunt of it; you and Connor. I'm hoping to grow up, become smarter, by the time that little girl is able to remember. I don't want her to have to suffer. She's my granddaughter, and I more than recognize that now. Beyond that, beyond her, there's you." Adam's lips trembled, and he took several long trembling breaths, trying to stay in control. Jude stayed silent, sensing that Adam needed to say his speech without interruption.

"You love Connor," Adam stated. "And I think I always knew that, even when you were younger. I was so afraid of Connor being gay, and saying that aloud ... I can realize how awful it is. I don't even know why it was such a colossal matter in my mind. What should have mattered all along, which I'm only just waking up to now, is that Connor be happy; that Connor be safe with someone he loves, who loves him back. I've been so terribly unfair to him, but almost more so to you. I never really treated you with any respect, at all. I want to change that. I want to stand here in front of you, and beg for you forgiveness; for a second chance if you'll take it.

"Connor thinks this is all brought on by the fear of losing him, and maybe it is. But that doesn't change the fact that my intentions aren't to put on a show for Connor in the days leading up to his deployment. That's not it at all. When he's overseas, when what...when whatever happens to him over there happens, I want that connection. I want family; his family. The people that he loved and who loved him back. I know it's not just about what I want, it's if you want me in your life, after the way I've treated you for most of yours; if you want me to see your daughter, _his _daughter, your daughter. I haven't given you recognition, Jude, and I should."

It was that moment that Adam lost all composure. He seemed to fall in on himself, regret written in every facet of his body. Jude watched the tears roll down Adam's face for a moment before he opened his arms to Connor's father, hugging him. Adam stiffened for the briefest of moments before he collapsed heavily against Jude's shoulder.

"I'm so sorry," Adam sobbed. "You didn't deserve it."

"You'll make it up to us," Jude whispered in assurance. "I believe in you."

"Thank you," Adam heaved out his words. "For loving him."

Jude felt his own throat close up as Adam hugged him tighter.

**Sorry this is late – Thanksgiving weekend and all! I don't own anything recognizable.**

**~TLL~**


	15. Chapter 15

*Eleven*Days*Until*Deployment*

Too chilly to get out of the vehicle, Jude, Connor, and Maia were curled inside the cab of the pickup truck. The ancient heater was creaking along as the small family sat together in the middle of the seat, Maia in the crook of Connor's right arm; Connor's left arm around Jude's shoulders. They simply sat together, looking out the windshield to the landscape beyond.

It was the lake; the place where they had spent so much time as teenagers. The place they had sat, the first time Connor had told Jude that he was leaving.

The water was a deep grey colour, nearly the same shade as the cloudy, angry sky. The waves lapped temperamentally toward the shore, spilling over the place Connor and Jude would always sit when they used to frequent the lake. They hadn't been fishing since Connor had left on his first deployment; hadn't really been back to the lake since. But this morning, Jude had woken up with a strange desire to see the place again, as if they could sit next to the lake and go back to childhood, when he didn't have to worry about anything. As if Jude could listen to the water, and instead hear the low buzz of hot summer days; the endless dialogue that Connor could keep up, compensating for his silent friend.

"Too bad," Connor commented after a long while of just sitting, "That she wasn't old enough for me to teach her how to fish."

"What makes you think she's going to want to learn to fish?"

"I taught_ you_ to fish, and we both know you hated every minute of it."

Offended, Jude gaped at Connor. "What makes you think that I hated it?"

"Well, number one, you don't like feeling as if you're bad at something and you _suck_ at finishing. You got the hook caught in everything … I still have scars from the time you caught it on me."

"You do not!" Jude laughed. "If you had a scar from that, I'd know."

"Maybe it was hidden by the other scars," Connor argued. "Then you wouldn't."

"Yes, I would," Jude insisted. "You would have whined about it as soon as you realized it would scar. I mean, you whined about the injury long enough!"

"Are you saying I'm whiny?" Connor demanded, pouting.

"Of course not," Jude cooed; condescending and affectionate at the same time. He pressed a wet kiss to Connor's cheek. "You're just querulous sometimes."

Connor gave Jude a sideway glance. "The downside of dating a writer; their vocabulary will always be bigger than yours."

Jude snickered.

"Dirty minded," Connor swatted Jude's shoulder. He then rested his cheek against the top of Jude's head. "I'm going to miss you so much."

Jude turned his head into Connor's sweater, hiding away his face. "Don't," he begged, his throat thick with tears. "Not right now … something happy instead, please."

"All right," Connor agreed. "_Do_ you remember the day I taught you how to fish?"

Jude sniffed. "Of course."

(-.-)

_Everything was _hot._ The sun was hot; the air was hot; his skin was hot; his hair was hot … even his fingernails felt like they were going to boil off. That being said, was Jude at home, desperately trying to cool down? No. Did he tag along with Mariana and Callie when they decided to go to the local pool? No. Instead, he was walking down the sidewalk behind Connor. His best friend had promised that there was a lake involved in this venture, though Jude had yet to see it._

_ "Only a few more minutes," Connor assured him. "I swear."_

_ Connor had fishing rods slung over his shoulder, which was slightly concerning to Jude. He'd never fished before; he'd never so much as touched a fishing rod before. Connor hadn't said anything about fishing yet, but there were two rods, and he and Connor did nearly everything together. If Connor was going fishing, then Jude knew that he'd end up doing so as well._

_ Several sweaty minutes later, Jude finally saw the glimmering waters of the lake. There was a long beach encircling about half of the water, which was crammed with families, counting on the water to relieve them from the unbearable heat. Connor didn't head toward the beach, however, heading to the opposite side which was grassy, slightly rocky, and barely populated. Jude allowed Connor to go first through the grass, forging a path that Jude easily followed._

_Even now, just walking through the grass along the lake, Jude felt cooler and breathed a sigh of relief. He huffed a bigger sigh of relief as Connor and he waded through the shallows of the lake. They went out to almost their knees, before Connor climbed up onto one of the large boulders that dotted the lake. Jude followed him, cringing at how hot the stone felt underneath his skin. They settled on top of the boulders, and Connor finally referenced the rods._

_Jude stared down at the tool in his hands. He'd never held a fishing rod before. Connor, though, moved his hands expertly along the fishing rod._

_"I know you don't know how to fish, but do you know anything about fishing?" Connor asked, and Jude shook his head. "Do you want me to teach you?"_

_Jude hesitated. He had never been seized by the desire to learn how to fish, and while capturing innocent creatures wasn't exactly a tantalizing prospect, Jude was willing to learn anything that Connor wanted to teach him, and so, he nodded._

_"Great," Connor rubbed his hands together. "I love playing teacher!"_

_And thus he commenced with a lecture. Jude learnt about the tiny bits and pieces of the fishing rod that he never knew existed. After a lot of discussion, Connor announced that Jude was ready to cast. Like a true scholar, Jude immediately dedicated himself to trying to remember everything that Connor had told him. He lifted the rod, let the cast fly and ... caught the hook on a tree. He gaped at the tree, staring at the thing as if it were personally offending him._

_Connor was laughing manically. "Your face is priceless."_

_ Jude gave Connor the sassiest expression he could muster; his best friend was making fun of him!_

_ "It's a little funny, Mr. I'm-so-talented-at-everything," Connor joked. "Rock, paper, scissors on who has to climb the tree and unhook it?"_

_ To Jude's immense satisfaction, he beat Connor in rock paper scissors. Heaving a sigh, Connor pushed himself from the rock and back into the water. Jude watched from his perch (trying not to equate his posture to _The Little Mermaid_) as Connor slugged over to the shore line, reaching up to capture the branch of the short tree the Jude's hook had gotten stuck on. When the hook was freed and Connor let go of the branch it snapped upward, nearly hitting him in the face._

_ Jude reached out his hand, a gesture that Connor knew meant 'you okay?'._

_ "Fine!" Connor called as he returned to the rock. "I'll be better if you don't get it caught on a tree this time around."_

_ Jude nodded, confident that trees would not be a problem this time around._

_ He prepared for his second cast, took a deep breath, and aimed for a spot out on the lake. He brought his rod back, trying to remember what Connor had said about wrists, and tried once more. Once more, it was unsuccessful, but this time, it was not because of a tree._

_ "_OUCH!" _Connor screeched and, in his shock, Jude nearly fell off the rock they were sitting on._

_ He immediately dropped the fishing rod, turning to look at Connor. Horrified, Jude watched blood spew out of Connor's arm._

_ "I would have rather you caught the tree," Connor yipped, more in shock than in any real pain._

_ Nervously, Jude's hand fluttered around Connor's arm. He caught Connor's wrist in one hand, holding him still. With the other hand, Jude attempted to extract the suddenly complicated looking hook. He twisted it out of Connor's arm, only to put one edge of it through his own finger. He squealed and made a face, forcing Connor to extract the hook from Jude's fingers._

_ Sighing, Connor looked at their bloody spots._

_ "Maybe," he thought aloud, "We should just swim."_

_ Jude agreed._

*Ten*Days*Until*Deployment*

Breathing in the late afternoon air, Jude directed the stroller so that it was sitting along the arm of the bench. Maia made a sharp noise in her sleep as the stroller stopped moving, but she rolled a little and settled back into her slumber. Jude was content to leave her there until she woke, and slid onto the bench next to Connor, whose arm immediately wrapped around him.

Jude looked out over the playground, brimming with children playing. Parents and guardians were scattered along the slide lines of the playground, talking and keeping an eye on their children at the same time. Every time a child shrieked particularly loud, every adult's head would turn, making sure that it was not their offspring getting into trouble on the slide or fighting a losing battle with the swing set.

He wondered what it would be like, when Maia was old enough to be one of the sparkly eyed little girls, mischievously attempting the monkey bars even though she knew her arms couldn't reach that far. He wondered if she would cry when she fell, like one of the little girls he'd spotted earlier; or if she would be the type who would jump to her feet, despite her scraped knees, and dash off after her playmates to show off her new battle scars.

_(-.-)_

_ "Watch this!"_

_ "Maia, don't fall!"_

_ Jude watche__d__ as his curly haired daughter prepare__d__ for a running start toward the monkey bars. __But at her father's words she paused to s__assily__ place__ her dark hands against her hips__ and to__ giv__e__ him a look __- one __Jude's only eighty percent convinced she learned from him._

_ "Daddy, I can _fly_," she point__ed__ out confidently, and then attempt__ed__ to demonstrate._

_ Her little jean skirt barely deter__ed __her legs as she leap__t __for the monkey bars.__ Jude found himself holding his breath as her small hands - nails painted bright pink, because it was Aunt Mari's favourite colour on her - reached for the first bar. Maia almost reached her goal, the very tips of her fingers grazing the metal bar before she slipped, the ground rushing up to meet her. It took a moment for the little girl to process what had happened to her; it took a moment for her to realize that she was in pain._

_But when she realized, she cried out, "Daddy! Daddy!"_

_(-.-)_

Jude ripped from his daydream as he realized that, in his little make-believe, he had been the only father around to answer Maia. As his mind had wandered, it had found his worst nightmare. Connor would not be there to know his daughter. He would not be there to catch her when she fell. He wouldn't be there to kiss her hurts away, bringing the smile back to her face. It was that scenario, the one that had just been filling his mind, that Jude feared most.

"What are you thinking about?" Connor asked innocently; oblivious to Jude's sorrowful thoughts.

"Her, playing when she's older," Jude admitted. And then he added, "And if you'll be here to see it."

"Of course I will," Connor replied confidently. His voice never wavered; never gave any indication that he doubted he would be there to see Maia grow up and cross the monkey bars. "I don't have a choice, you know that. I wouldn't let her down - wouldn't let _you _down by not coming back."

Connor tightened his grip around Jude's shoulder and Jude leaned into him, kissing Connor's jawline.

"I worry," Jude whispered. "It's too scary to think about, but it's too real not to."

Connor suddenly sat up straight, bring Jude around so that they were facing one another. He placed his hands on Jude's shoulders, ferocity in his gaze.

"Listen to me, Jude, it's not real. It won't be real. I won't let it become real. Death is not in my cards. I will be here, when she grows up. I will be here, with you, to watch that. I may be going away, but just like last time, it's not forever. I have a return date. I already have a ticket home, and it sure as hell doesn't come with a black box accessory. I know it's scary, God do I know that. But you also have to know that, come hell or high water, I will come home to you." Connor caught his hand under Jude's chin, his voice becoming impossibly soft as he spoke again. "Make sure you remember that, okay? Make sure you never forget that I'm coming back to you; I'm coming back to our daughter."

And as Connor kissed Jude, Jude found himself relieving the scene that he'd made up earlier.

(-.-)

_"Daddy! Daddy!"_

_Before Jude could react beyond noticing the trickles of blood running down Maia's shins, movement flashed in the corner of his eye. He turned his head to see Connor jumping up from the bench next to him, reaching their little girl faster than Jude could, so Jude stayed where he was, happy to watch father and daughter. Watching Connor and Maia together was one of the greatest pleasures in Jude's life._

_He watched as the former solider crouched down next to the girl, speaking in low tones. Jude could hear the distinct, deep tones that made up Connor's voice, but he couldn't hear the words. But he didn't need to. The words were for Maia. Connor stretched his arm out, clearing away the tears that had gathered in Maia's dark brown eyes. She pouted at him a moment more before she stretched out her arms, wrapping them around Connor's neck. He lifted her effortlessly onto his shoulders, rising into a standing position and running her back to Jude._

_"Dad!" She called down to Jude from her extreme height. "My wings missed."_

_"I saw that," Jude acknowledged._

_"I don't know what happened," Maia admitted, voice tight as she reflected on her little failure._

_"Maybe you didn't use proper wing fuel," Connor suggested._

_"Wing fuel?" Maia repeated, properly distracted. "What's wing fuel?"_

_"Ice cream," Jude revealed._

_Her eyes lit up. "Daddy!" She drummed her palms along the top of Connor's head. "I need wing fuel now!"_

_"What do you say?" Connor asked her._

_"Wing fuel now, please?" Maia stressed the last word._

_"All right," Jude agreed. "Let's go get wing fuel!"_

**I don't own anything recognizable.**

**~TLL~**


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